Ripples and Cracks
by the-laziest-athlete-you-know
Summary: Tsukoru Izumi is doing everything he can to escape his father. Haruno Sakura is a pretty lie he made to save himself. Anko just wants her team to survive. Note: gender fluid OC, rookie nine time-period, not team 7. Short chapters. DISCONTINUED (I went back and read some and I'd be too busy crying over all the errors and inconsistencies to actually write more)
1. The good 'ol days

Tsukoru Izumi was young once. And unlike how it seemed to be for everyone else, nothing made sense back then. Looking back, the memories seem distorted, warped and depressing.

Izumi is two when his father brings home the worst present ever. "Your mother betrayed the village" he says. It doesn't even sound like him. "I took care of it." Izumi doesn't move except to glance at the brown stain on the wall that hadn't been there yesterday. His world cracks.

Izumi is nearly three when his face changes. He had been running, hiding, doing the best a toddler can at blending in, when his chakra surged. He staggered and someone caught his arm. The genin spun him around to see his face then shrugged and ran along. 'What?' Izumi stumbled again. They were still pursuing him, he could see them, they had just checked him, what just happened?

He panicked for hours afterwards because that was not his face and oh kami what if dad sees? Not good, not good until he gripped his newfound chakra and imagined his face rippling and settling back into its original form.

Izumi is four when he discovers two things. He wants to become a shinobi more than anything and that his father would "take care of him" before he saw his son become a shinobi. These discoveries happened more or less simultaneously. Izumi had brought up the topic of future careers, thinking it would be cool to work in a forge or be an architect. His father exploded...violently. Izumi cowered under his father's blows, rants, and insults against shinobi, against Izumi's mother, against trust and camaraderie. It was then that Izumi knew, deep in his marrow, exactly what he would be.

Izumi is five when his plan is set into motion. After securing the red headband, black backpack, and sandals, Haruno Sakura sets off to the academy. She is going to be a ninja and if she has to fake her identity and invent a single mom from the red light district to do it, so be it. Her dad thinks she is going to civilian academy. He thinks she wants to be an architect. He's a drunken, violent fool who will never go to a parent teacher meeting.

Sakura isn't actually...Sakura...per say. Izumi had been experimenting with his ability to shift his face. He could shift his body too, to some extent. Bone structure was hard, really hard, but fat distribution was a piece of cake and hair color was almost too easy. Because he would be making this change every day, Izumi made sure 'Sakura' was similar to him. Where his hair was a dark red, nearly burgundy, hers was a soft pink. Where he was lean and slightly starved looking, she was healthy and skinny looking. Most of the transformation was the acting, the stance, the voice, the naivety.

Sakura is six when she receives the best birthday present ever...poison. Along with poison came medical texts as she started building a resistance. It doesn't take her long to discover her shapeshifting abilities help her adapt and counter poisons much easier than should be possible.

Izumi is seven when his father really goes downhill. Izumi had been exhausted and sick from training and his poisons. He had gotten careless. His father found a kunai in his backpack and all hell broke loose. The next day Izumi tries to shift his body and erase the new wounds, bruises, and fear. He only gets two of the three. He sets out to learn medical ninjutsu.

Sakura is eight when she decides it's time to break free. She ties her hitai ate around her forehead and swears to herself that one day she won't need the mask.


	2. Team Not Dead

Become a ninja they said, it'll be fun they said. Sakura barely spared a glance at her teammate tied to a tree upside down with snakes. She most certainly did not look at her other teammate spasming on the ground. Sweat trickled down her neck and she distantly felt herself hyperventilating. She was pressed to her knees and shivering from the killing intent. She knew she couldn't hide from Her. She knew everything was futile. She could almost feel herself dying, giving up. Almost.

Half an hour earlier…

"Hahaha! So you're my cute little victims huh? I am the sexy beast Mitarashi Anko! Known to you as Anko sama, Sensei, or kami sama." Sensei had bright purple spiky hair, a sweet trench coat, and only mesh armour for a shirt. She looked kinda weird. Sakura quickly discovered she was also really strong, terrifying, and sadistic. "From this moment, you unlucky lot are under my command and I assure you the only way to escape is for the whole team to die or make chunin...whichever comes first. Any questions?" Sakura had an ominous sinking feeling in her gut and glanced at her new teammates. Yamanaka Naoe, a blond and blue eyed 11 year-old boy, seemed to recognize this crazy tokubetsu jounin. Not a good sign considering the Yamanaka were traditionally involved with the T&I department. Aburame Shima, a 12 year-old girl that looked exactly like every other Aburame, didn't react. That didn't mean much.

The group hadn't had much time to "bond" before Anko sensei had shown up. Naoe had only recently joined Shima's class, and Sakura hadn't met either of them before. Also, Anko sensei had shown up early to whisk them away. Basically, all three of them were in completely unknown territory, had been informed that death was one of the only two ways to escape their sensei, and they hadn't even had time to finish their lunch. She was already looking on her time in the Academy as "the good 'ol days."

Anko sensei happily explained that she was going to give them a little test to see where they were at as ninja and "to bond as a team through mutual pain and suffering!" The cheery grin that line was delivered with did nothing to assuage her fears. Apparently, all they had to do was survive for two hours and then tell Anko sensei honestly that they still wanted to be shinobi even if it meant going through this same test many many times. Sakura had a feeling that when sensei said "survive" she didn't mean simply not to get knocked out.

"When do we start?" Naoe asked nervously. "Oh" Sensei's grin sharpened "we already have."

Present time…

"Kai!" Relief made her body sag as the horrible pressure of the killing intent dissipated. Finally able to think, she glanced around the clearing again. Unfortunately, her teammate's predicaments hadn't been the result of genjutsu. They were still screwed. Fortunately, or really really not a good sign, Anko sensei was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she got bored of batting children around and took a nap. Whatever the case, Sakura had limited options, limited resources, and an awful lot of determination. She was going to make this work.

Shima san had managed to free herself by that time so Sakura dragged Naoe to cover and worked on identifying and countering the poison. He had only been hit with a common lower-level poison, enough to painfully incapacitate but not cause permanent damage. Sakura had already worked with this one and had the antidote on hand. Naoe would be fine in a few minutes but still terrible in a fight. "You are familiar with poison and field medicine?" Shima asked, startling Sakura. "Uh, yeah. I needed something to make up for my size and physical weakness so I...uh...started teaching myself I guess." Shima nods and seems to approve.

It was obvious by now they would need to rely on each other so when Shima suggested working on a plan during their reprieve, Sakura was already brainstorming. "weaknesses?" "Does a tendency to cackle and monologue count?" "Maybe as a distraction." Back to thinking. "Could they hide?" "Her snakes would find us or she would sense our chakra." "What if they disguised our scent and hid in a sealed area?" "Could work. It would take time and Naoe is still dead-weight." "Okay let's shelve that for later. How about a trap? they could just go ham with explosive tags and jump into the pond to avoid the blast." Sakura got a look for that one. "Okay, okay, how about…"

…

When the time was up the three children were caught in an odd state between laughing deliriously and breaking down into tears. At least, Sakura was laughing, Naoe was sobbing, and Shima was twitching. They were muddy, exhausted, and beyond terrified. The land around them was torn, burning, and covered in plant debris. In front of them was the woman who had terrorized, tortured, and tormented them for hours.

They had managed to sap her chakra with Shima's bugs, forced her to jump into the river to avoid way too many exploding seals, and force her to dodge Naoe's possession jutsu only to be ensnared by the real one shortly after. Once Naoe had her, he stripped her of weapons, let them tie a few stones to him, and jumped into the pond. He returned to his body, gasping and coughing, and they ran as fast as they could. Then the bell went off.

Stopping, and still wary, they looked around for Anko sensei. Then they looked in horror to the pond. It's surface was perfectly still. They raced back to the edge and peered into the murky water. "Sensei?" "Did we kill sensei?" Naoe tentatively took a step closer and peared in. Three snakes burst out of the water and made a grab for us. They had screamed and scrambled away, only to be dragged under by their ankles by the merciless summons. Soon, the pond was still again.

When they dragged Anko sensei back onto solid ground she realized the time had been up for a few minutes, she took stock of the group. They looked like crap. Perfect. Once their respective hysterics had subsided a bit she clapped loudly to gain their attention. "So! Who still wants to become a shinobi!" The kids looked at her with exhausted, annoyed, terrified, loathing...and determination. Well, Shima more buzzed angrily and frowned rather than display emotions.

Finally, Sakura spoke first. "Fuck it. I've been surviving for too many years to stop now. Lay it on me bitch sensei." She distantly noted that she did not feel nearly as tough as her words conveyed. In fact, all she wanted was to cry and go on a cooking spree after a few days of sleep. However, she also needed personal freedom in order to cry and go on cooking sprees and that required becoming a shinobi. Shima steadied at her words and nodded. "I will be expected to survive much worse in the defense of Konoha and my hive. I can not give up now." Naoe looked at the two of them wide-eyed, then sensei. "I really just want to go home and hug my sister" he started. "but I know that if I want her to live a good life, I have to help defend and fight for this village. I can't let her down. I want to be a shinobi." As they stared resolutely into the grinning face of hell, they prayed they had made the right choice.

"Wonderful! Okay victims, we'll be meeting here most days at 0700. Be there. Be ready to suffer. I'll be mixing up missions and training so always be prepared. Also, don't fool yourself into believing you're safe just because you're not in a training ground, this is your only warning. Oh! And I almost forgot! You need a team name. Pick one." The kids looked at each other again. They could always go with Team Anko or Team 4, but that just seemed so generic and underwhelming compared to the hell they had just lived through. "Uh...Team Not Dead?" Sakura half joked, half seriously considered. "Team Fuck It? Team Pretty-Soon-You're-Gonna-Be-As-Dead-As-We-Wish-We-Are?" Naoe chipped in. In a startling display of humor, Shima added "Team Snake Bait?"

Eventually, they settled on Team Not Dead because it was funny and they were tired and it was just morbid enough to keep them on their toes.


	3. A Look Into the Life

Izumi was in trouble. Not for illegally assuming a new identity in order to infiltrate the shinobi core. That would be too easy. Not for constantly breaking into the chunin and genin section of the library for the past few years. That would be too obvious. It definitely wasn't because he had been lying to his father's face about his future career, interests, and memories (of his mother) since he was four. Nope. He was in trouble because he got the floor dirty when he dragged his battered form home that afternoon.

At this point, Izumi felt he should just take this sort of thing for granted but it stung. This reminder that the word "fair" didn't even exist in his life. This reminder that everything he had was despite his father rather than thanks to him. The punishment was so infuriating and trivial. Mop the floor, clean the entire house, don't eat supper. Izumi was _starving_. **This** is why he is so damn weak. **This** is why he can't hold his own in taijutsu. **This** is why he had to get out as soon as possible. His father was infuriating.

His father was really strong. High chunin with a nasty penchant for traps. The food was trapped. The money was trapped. The ninja equipment was beyond trapped. The windows and walls and ceilings were all trapped. **Izumi** was very much trapped. Friends after school? No way in hell.

Tsukoru Takeshi: High Chunin, 29 years old, 170 cm, dark tan skin, shaggy black hair, light purple eyes, bulky/muscular, scars crisscrossing his forearms (likely from wires). Solid in taijutsu, proficient in fire jutsu, basic in genjutsu, advanced in traps, proficient in kenjutsu. He had probably been in ANBU, that kind of PTSD didn't exactly develop from gate duty. Retired. Emotionally compromised by long-term Iwa spy Tsukoru Hotaru.

Izumi always thought his mother must have been the heartless sort. His father probably had too much heart at some point. He often wondered what his mother had been planning to do once she had a son. A son with a strong chance of inheriting her bloodline. Sometimes he fantasized that she had decided to stay and raise him rather than run back to Iwa. Sometimes he wondered if she had been planning to take him back with her. Sometimes he hated her. The memory of her warm hugs, awe-inspiring confidence, and a happy grin were crushing him inside. It had to be worse for his father.

Shaking himself, Izumi shoved his pain aside and focused on his goal. Food. He raised his stiff arms and carefully created a water clone. It materialized in the yard under his window and carefully picked its way across the -you guessed it- trapped green space. Izumi sank against the wall and sighed, he could eat when his clone got back. That problem aside, he surveyed his room. The small but cozy space had a twin sized bed, small closet, desk, small bookshelf, and threadbare carpet that used to be red. Home. Sighing, he grabbed his sketchbook and settled in to wait.

…..

Aburame Shima was exhausted, sore, and more than ready for a shower. Upon reaching her home in the clan compound, she was greeted by her father and supper. He looked like he had recently woken up. Night shift then. He explained that her mother had a two-week mission and he had patrol duty this week. After taking a moment to eat, Shima informed him she had successfully passed her sensei's genin test along with her two teammates, Yamanaka Naoe and Haruno Sakura. After providing a summary of events she started tidying up their dishes.

Aburame Atsushi considered her report before telling her what he knew of the situation and what he could tell her. As a jounin and fellow saboteur, he knew quite a lot. "Mitarashi Anko is a tokubetsu jounin focused mainly in T&I. She specializes in poison and taijutsu augmented with her summons. She has a controversial past which has prevented her from becoming full jounin and is widely known to be sadistic, eccentric, and aggressive." Shima nodded along, she had figured as much after she had been tied up with snakes and Naoe had been poisoned.

"From your description of Haruno Sakura's ability with poison and traps, your team is a well-rounded capture and interrogation or infiltration team. It is quite interesting that Haruno san was allowed to graduate early after the tragedy of Uchiha Itachi" he continued. Shima flinched slightly at both the reminder of the Uchiha massacre and that Sakura san was only eight, a prodigy, though not on the same level as Itachi. The message her father sent was clear, not only would their team be expected to complete dangerous missions in the future, she would have to keep an eye on her youngest teammate.

…..

Yamanaka Naoe stood in front of his cousin and proudly informed her he was a proper genin now. The nineteen year old chunin congratulated him and pulled him into an excited hug. She had been the one to help him train for the final exam after all. Yamanaka Kano had the typical Yamanaka blue pupiless eyes and affinity for mind jutsu but her dark brown hair and lightning-scarred hands betrayed her mother's influence. Naoe loved his cousin more than anyone and considered her more of a sister or mother than cousin. Afterall, when he had lost his mother to the kyuubi eight years ago and his father to a disastrous mission four years later, Kano had been there for him. She had legally adopted him after his father passed and moved in with him so he could keep his house.

Naoe happily regaled her with the events of his genin test and what his new team was like. Kano shuddered when he mentioned Anko sensei and quickly filled him in on the rumors about her. After all, ninja thrive on information.

Afterwards, Naoe showered and they went out to dinner at their favorite dumpling shop. The warm air and light conversation made his new sensei and interesting team feel like a distant dream. He was relaxed, happy, and hanging out with the best cousin ever...what could go wrong?

Everything was suddenly darker, his cousin's eyes lost their lightheartedness and grew cold and judging. He was afraid. Kano, the nicest person he knew, his rock in the world, opened her mouth and he knew he wouldn't like what he heard. 'No...no, no, don't say anything _don't do it_ ' he thought desperately. She ignored his silent plea. " **You are so pathetic dear cousin. You actually believed I** _ **liked**_ **you? Do you have any idea how much money your parents had? How much money I now have? You made this too easy, so trusting...so** _ **clingy**_ **.** " Her voice was painfully condescending and superior. He shrunk back, too terrified to think. " **And now that you're genin I'm finally free. This stupid babysitting mission is over and I never have to see you again. Good riddance.** " He nearly broke at that, at his hidden fear coming to light, at this impossible scene. Impossible.

His eyes widened. Genjutsu. It had to be. It just HAD to be. He didn't know what he would do if it wasn't. Making the seal, he hoped against hope he was right. "KAI!" The world shattered and flaked away revealing his cousin still studying the menu. He was quivering, tears forming in his eyes, he had to get a hold on himself before she noticed. 'Breathe in...breathe out...in...out...in...' He was okay, it wasn't real. Kano loved him. Kano was asking him a question. Shit.

He was about to reply when he caught sight of a familiar trench coat at a nearby table. A light brown eye winked when he looked her way. The sudden understanding left him cold before a flood of rage set his blood boiling. Rage at the fear he had felt, the intrusion, the personal nature of the illusion, rage for doubting Kano. Abruptly, he remembered sensei's warning from earlier. "Don't fool yourself into believing you're safe just because you're not in a training ground, this is your only warning." This is what she had meant. He knew right there he was going to escape sensei and he wasn't going to use option 1 (suicide) or 2 (reach chunin). He was going to kill her and his team was going to help him.


	4. Growing Pains

Team Not Dead used their next week to adjust and prepare for future _tests_. They gathered info, trained, and trauma bonded through exposure to Anko sensei. The sneak attacks were randomly spaced but delivered to the three of them equally. So far, Shima's food had been poisoned, she'd been ambushed in her bathroom, and wire traps had been placed all around her house. Naoe, after the initial genjutsu, had been nearly skewered with senbon, chased around the village, and had his socks laced with itching powder. Sakura had been subjected to genjutsu and ambush in the hot springs. Anko had also attacked her in the grocery store but Sakura had just been a clone. Is it really any surprise they were officially the most paranoid genin team on the roster?

When they discovered D-ranks they were actually happy for the boring chores, until Anko took potshots at them and they had to defend against her AND complete the mission. While Anko was a terror, she did have a method to her madness. The genin had become more alert, faster, more cohesive, and had developed both a danger sense and resistance to killing intent.

Anko was proud of them, they were scrappy and fully prepared to claw themselves and their teammates out of her clutches. They also hated her. Her eyes closed as she remembered the hero worship and desperation for acknowledgement that she had regarded Orochimaru with. No, she was training this team the right way, she was not going to control them like she had been. Her team would be stronger like this; they would never be disregarded like trash. This she swore.

….. .

Sakura Haruno was buying an apartment and heaven forbid her teammates feel left out. The two preteens had been dragged all over Konoha's residential districts by the pink menace and had firmly crushed their own desires to ever move out. The haggling, the condescension, the _options_. They were done. "That's it! Pick a place, or I will pick _for you_ and it will _not_ be _pretty_ " Naoe hissed. Shima nodded firmly in agreement. Sakura's face fell a little and something akin to desperation flitted behind her eyes. She was obviously stressed and overthinking this whole process. Shima and Naoe glanced at each other before Shima faced Sakura again. "Sakura san, I would recommend the apartment in the shinobi residential district, the one with a discount for being a little damaged. You would be surrounded by neighbors who understand you and who could come to your aid in the case of an attack." Sakura brightened a bit at her teammate's suggestion. "I'll do that then, it's a nice flat and I can afford it with genin salary. Thank you both so much for helping me!" She was smiling properly now and Naoe couldn't help but return it. "And if you want any help moving in, we'd be more than willing to help too!" He offered. A nudge from Naoe prompted a nod from Shima. Sakura's face froze a little but retained the smile. "No, no, you've helped enough, I need to stand on my own two feet you know!"

After they doubled back to the apartment and picked up the paperwork, the three parted ways. Sakura watched them for a bit before ducking into an alley and shifting into Izumi. It was time to go home. He glanced at the papers in his hands and ruthlessly pushed down the hope that bubbled up, he couldn't afford to get it crushed again.

…. .. a week later

The shinobi rumor mill was a fearsome place. The only reason the entire force didn't hear about Anko's team was because some were on missions outside the village. Although, a few chunin somehow managed to hear about it even before they got back. No one could quite believe it. Mitarashi Anko, literally the worst person to supervise children in the entire village, had taken a team. Those children were screwed. Hatake glanced at Hayate, who just so happened to be hanging out in the same tree as him. He glanced at the masked ninja crouched in a tree across from them. He studiously ignored Gai covertly sparkling in a tree next to him. They were just relaxing after all. The genin running for their lives beneath them had nothing to do with it.

Hatake watched as the kids substituted and formed illusions to distract, threaten, and conceal as if it were second nature. He was so focused on the illusions and evasion techniques that the explosive wire trap nearly caught him by surprise. These kids were pretty good. Anko trapped Haruno in a quick taijutsu bout and was surprised to find she had actually been fighting Shima. An attack from behind forced her to defend on both sides. The Yamanaka on a branch above compelled her to dodge before she could be possessed. Haruno's hands were coated in green chakra and Anko made sure to give them a wide berth. Yamanaka, seeing that he couldn't possess her, jumped down from his branch right on top of Anko. The crazy sensei laughed and landed a punishing hit right in his gut. Yamanaka's breath whooshed out and he turned pale...before exploding into a cloud of bugs and falling on Anko's upraised face.

The spar continued on for a few more minutes, the genin using henge and illusions constantly to impersonate each other, fake attacks, and provide distractions. Hatake was impressed and he knew the other shinobi hiding in the trees were too. After all, it was terribly difficult to demonstrate such teamwork after only two weeks. These kids were going to do well.

… … .

Sakura had settled into her new apartment quickly. The fake mother she had created to get into the academy had been the largest gaping hole in her deception, so Sakura filed that she had died of an illness a few months ago. After that, she had just not brought it up so that she wouldn't be sent to the orphanage. Now, she just had to figure out how to get out of her father's house. If Izumi just disappeared, he would be searched for. His scent would be tracked, and Sakura would not be secret anymore. The only way out she could see would be to fake his death. For that she needed a dead body and a tragedy.

…. … .

It was the one day of (relative) freedom all week. He was free to go and do whatever he wanted. Naoe twitched slightly as he realized he had been staring at a spot on the kitchen counter for at least an hour. He was lonely. Kano had a long mission and the house was empty without her. He sighed and headed outside, planning to wander around town. He had graduated a year early so all his year-mates and friends were still in the academy and today was a school day. Naoe quietly kicked a rock down the road as he made his way to the market district and thought about his team. Shima san was pretty cool, all stoic and calm with dry and surprisingly morbid humor. She had pulled him out of Sensei's path a few times now. Sakura san was vicious, he had seen her verbally rip people apart at the seams. She was also very protective of him and Shima. Naoe liked them. He was happy to call them friends and teammates, but he couldn't help the feeling that they were both holding themselves back from him, as if they didn't trust him. Sakura didn't like to talk about her family, at all. Shima never touched anyone except in taijutsu or emergencies. No highfives, handshakes, hugs, or pats on the back. They both thought he hadn't noticed. He snorted, he was a Yamanaka, it was his prerogative to notice!


	5. Moving On

WARNING: There is a dead body in this chapter and a kinda gross description of it. Also, Izumi's dad is still a dick.

Izumi stared into the boy's eyes. The boy didn't blink. He stared some more, then glanced in a mirror. A sigh. The eyes didn't really match his but this was the most similar corpse he could find. 'Contacts would be too obvious' he mused. 'Maybe there's a chakra technique or genjutsu I could use that wouldn't be noticed?' He eyed the dead boy balefully. 'Maybe, I could just kill 'myself' in such a way that the eyes were conveniently smushed? Would that be too obvious?'

Don't ask where he got the corpse. It required four different faces, an unnecessarily large bit of cash, two near death encounters, and some unsavory job offers.

The result was the body of a young boy lying on the floor in a backroom of an undisclosed location in Konoha's red light district. The boy's hair had been dyed post-mortem to the same burgundy as Izumi's and his starved physique, a result of life on the streets, matched Izumi's own beaten and starved one. He was the right height, had no disfiguring or obvious scarring that couldn't be passed off as Izumi's, and the scent of the streets had been washed off him. He was perfect.

The hot summer sun rose on a typically serene Konoha morning. The air was muggy and even the breeze was warm. The vague scent of flowers wafted in through the (rarely) open kitchen window of the deceptively cozy-looking Tsukoru home. Takeshi had woken up with a hangover and was currently raging at his stupid microwave for breaking down again. The microwave 'beeped' eccentrically and powered down. He gave up and grumpily munched on cold takeout, wincing at the cheery sunlight streaming through the kitchen. The too fucking perfect kitchen. It looked just like how Hotaru had kept it, pristine. It was the only part of the house he didn't make Izumi clean, so obviously the brat took seditious pleasure in maintaining its spotlessness. Takeshi didn't have the heart to dirty it.

Speaking of Izumi...Takeshi frowned as he realized he hadn't seen the sneaky brat in two days. He hadn't noticed earlier in his quest to drown his memories, but the creepy kid had been looking like he'd had the stuffing beaten out of him, more so than usual. Dragging himself about the house like a patch of slime and sending him glares whenever he thought he could get away with it. The damn brat had probably pissed off the local bullies by trying to rob them or something stupid. Once upon a time the most obvious marks of Izumi's parentage, his light purple eyes and dark red hair would have sent a thrill of pride and possessiveness through him. He would have thought 'This is my son.' Now he only wishes the brat had never been born.

After another day, Takeshi was in that interesting place where he was drunk enough to be pissed and sober enough to do something about it. He was going to drag that delinquent brat back home by his (newly) broken and twisted legs and make him regret ever thinking he could get away so easily. Staggering across the threshold (and tripping on the doorframe), Takeshi set out. He didn't make very good time and it was nightfall before he slumped in an alleyway near his favorite bar. He had finished off his flask hours ago and was contemplating simply giving up for now and getting drunk (again) when a breeze stirred up the unmistakable stench of rotting flesh. Indisputably a corpse. Takeshi tensed, drink forgotten, and instantly fell back on his training. After scanning the area for chakra, movement, and genjutsu, he crept forward silently and invisibly, searching for the source of the smell. He found the ragged thing lying crookedly across an abandoned crate. The whole area was thrown into shadow and some cardboard had been haphazardly thrown across the too small body in a rushed attempt to conceal the broken thing.

While Takeshi had seen (and killed) his fair share of children, too many of which were in Konoha, this one seemed to hit him harder. Maybe it was that the corpse had been here for days, unnoticed. Maybe it was because of the level of damage (which could have only been from a shinobi). Or maybe, it was because he had been worried about his own small human when he found this thing. His throat tightened and his stomach rebelled, forcing the cheap alcohol and takeout in his system unceremoniously onto the ground. The scent mingled unpleasantly with the horrid smell of the corpse and he gagged. Using a small fire jutsu, he examined the corpse in the light. He quickly wished he hadn't. Izumi's vacant face gazed back at him with hideously ruptured eyes and the kanji for traitor etched into his cheek. Takeshi threw up again.

"We've got a mission, we've got a mission!" Sakura and Naoe chanted as they skipped around Shima. "We're gonna leave the village! We're finally gonna be real ninja!" they continued. Shima was smirking in a perfect image of self-contained pride and happiness. Anko had told them today was special and dragged them to the Hokage Tower. She had then proceeded to crush any grand visions by telling them all they would be doing would be exchanging some scrolls with the border patrols and running straight back. No dramatic battles. No beautiful princesses. No plot twists. They were suspicious already. Anko never wanted chaos to NOT happen.

"Okay meatshields! This mission is slated for one to two weeks and little to no chance of combat. What does that mean for you?" Sensei shouted. "Pack for a month and act as though every missing-nin in the world is gonna attack!" they shouted in sync. Anko sensei nodded regally, regarding them with condescending superiority "I've trained you well." They stuck their tongues out at her and bolted, her shriek of indignation making them laugh. "BE AT THE GATES IN TWO HOURS!" She shouted after them. Anko nodded again at their retreating backs, impressed at their coordination and speed. She had shaped them into a fine genin team.

Her face became grim as she remembered the genin teams she had grown up with. The horrors of war and the emphasis on mission over teammates had left all of them with shadows under their eyes and too-familiar blood on their hands. Kurenai appeared at her side, effectively dispelling the negative thoughts. Reflexively, Anko's face stretched into a grin and she happily greeted her friend. Kurenai had taken to checking up on her more than usual since she had become a genin sensei. Since they, Asuma, and Gai had gone to the Hokage to beg for him to take Kakashi out of ANBU, Anko had been more thoughtful and distant than usual. At first Kurenai had been worried that Anko was having flashbacks or becoming depressed and had followed (stalked) her a bit. Imagine her surprise when she found Anko perched in a tree outside of the academy while the kids were sparring. The scene had been idyllic. The brats had been arguing over the legitness of one of the spars before it was concluded that they were ninjas; if throwing sand and pulling hair got the job done, then it got the job done. The winner, a girl with ridiculous pink hair was playfully shoving her opponent, a bashful and straightforward kid with big eyebrows and a long braid. A scuffle broke out in a different corner. Anko looked contemplative.

The kids arrived at the gates at about the same time, holding small backpacks but otherwise not appearing any different. Frowning, Anko looked again, this time seeing the veritable armory of concealed weapons on Shima, the weapons strapped to Sakura's arms under her wide sleeves, as well as the wires and kunai hidden on Naoe's person. That was good. "Where's your luggage brats? You forget you're not immortal already? Need another test to remind you?" At the sound of sensei's dangerously sweet voice, the genin shivered and quickly babbled about sealing and how Shima was amazing and something about only needing to replace one fence. Anko spiked her killing intent and they shut up. Shima, who had apparently been voluntold by her teammates, informed her that she had been copying storage seals for her team to use. She had also gained access to an explosion tag which is why a fence was tragically sacrificed to the pursuit of knowledge. She was, as usual, deadpan as she explained.

Deciding that was a great use of their time and plotting to extort some storage seals from them later, Anko declared it was time to head out. She couldn't wait to see her genin's terrified faces when they realize there are worse nin out there than their dear sensei.


	6. The Scene

Their mission was an easy C-rank, they didn't even leave Hi no Kuni. They were delivering rations to the border patrol on the northwest border of Kusa and Ame and collecting mid-patrol reports. Est. time - one to two weeks. The trip there could take two or three days and then they would fill in for anyone sick or exhausted for a few days. No sweat.

"Uuuuuugghhhh" "Shut up Naoe" "Hn" "But it's so booooring, monotonous, tedious, duuuuuull, repetitive, **troublesome** " "I swear to Log Naoe, you will either shut up or I will make you." The killing intent radiating from Shima finally convinced Naoe it would be best if he shut up...but this was Naoe we're talking about.

Sakura dove to the side as fast as she could, she had learned from Anko that it didn't matter if you knew what the danger was or not, it was best to get the hell out of dodge. Likewise, Shima dissolved into a pile of bugs before reappearing in a nearby tree. Taking a moment to figure out what had set off her danger sense, Sakura almost wished she hadn't. Naoe and Anko sensei had identical grins on their faces. The grin of a bored psychopath. The grin Team Not Dead had perfected through exposure to Anko for use as an intimidation technique. The grin they all had PTSD over. Sakura and Shima _ran_.

… . .. .

Don't let it be said that Team Not Dead didn't know how to make a memorable entrance. The three off-duty chunin were alerted by echoing hysterical laughter as three brats stumbled through the perimeter of the patrol's base. Covered in cuts and bruises, with wild hair and wide eyes, they looked like unhinged forest spirits. While creepy, the kids looked like leaf genin, traumatized leaf genin. Two of the chunin, a tall squinty-eyed dude with a bandana, and a guy with shoulder-length white hair and a bandana, cautiously approached the kids. Team Not Dead was haphazardly leaning on each other and slowly stumbling closer and closer, still giggling. The third chunin, yet another guy with a bandana, stood back to observe.

Mizuki was creeped the fuck out. He had been woken from his long-awaited nap to the skin-crawling sound of hysterical laughter. If that wasn't enough, Mitsuki had told him to approach while he stayed back. As he cautiously edged closer to the three (apparent) leaf genin, he tried to ignore the chills running up his back in favor of anger. Ranka, the sentimental fool, is doing his best to appear non-threatening. Mizuki decides to leave calming the brats to him. They are about three feet away when Mizuki feels something shift. Ranka has frozen beside him. A glint catches his eye. One of the brats, the pink one, is eyeing him like a falcon eyes a mouse. 'They're genin...only genin...so why do I feel so weak?' Mizuki stumbles backward, flailing when he bumps against Ranka. He runs. There is an echoing, dead voice that both booms and whispers in his ear "Do you know why a snake doesn't give chase? It doesn't need to." Mizuki was _scared_. He skidded to a stop as that pink _monster_ slid out from behind a tree in front of him and strode slowly towards him. It _grinned_ and reached out a hand. " _Shhhh shh don't cry, you're okay, it will all be over soon…_ " That voice was horrible, a mother's voice coming from a child. Mizuki felt like crying, he was so confused. He didn't even notice the real one walk up behind him and nonchalantly stick him with a poison senbon. He collapsed.

.. .. .. .. .

Anko was definitely proud of her kids. With just some genjutsu, killing intent, and intimidation, they had brought an entire team of chunin to their knees. Sakura and Naoe had taken out the two who approached while Shima started on the one observing. He had held his own but once Sakura and Naoe finished with their opponents, there was no contest. This was really just practice, a combat test so to say, Anko would have stepped in before anyone died. She sighed "I know you're awake Ranka. It's just me, Anko." His eyes opened and he looked at her with exasperation, the puzzle pieces clicking together. "I heard you had taken a team. I just didn't realize they would take after you quite so much. Good actors too." "Oh they weren't acting, those hysterics were very much real." He paled a bit before sighing and rolling over. "I bet Mizuki is traumatized, I saw what that pink one did to him. And Mitsuki got ganged up on, poor guy." He sent Anko a reproachful look. She was unfazed. "If you guys can't take on a group of wet-behind-the-ears genin you deserve to be traumatized." While it was definitely not okay to attack a fellow Konoha nin, this whole incident was more of a sneak-attack spar. There was no intent to kill and Anko considered it training for her genin. There would be no serious repercussions.

Once the rest of the chunin team woke up, proper introductions were exchanged. Mizuki, as expected, hated Sakura. Mitsuki seemed accepting, though ruffled and off-balance. Ranka was okay with the whole thing but he was biased. Mitsuki kept sending him significant looks the entire time. After that, things were calmer. Team Not Dead handed out the rations and mail and collected the reports. They would take any return mail before they headed out.

It was dusk before the on-duty patrol (patrol 2) returned. A squad of two males and one female. They had had a little hostility from some kusa-nin on a mission but it had been peacefully resolved. Overall, the arrival of Team Not Dead was the most exciting thing to happen all week. After going over rotations, it was decided that Anko could stand in for someone on patrol 2 while Team Not Dead would stand in for someone on patrol 1. The groups would rotate so that in 4 days, everyone would have three days of patrol and one day of rest. Because they had just got there, the genin claimed that night as their day of rest and set up camp. They would be on duty for the next three nights.

… … …

Tsukoru Takeshi felt hollowed out and scraped clean. **That night** had passed in a blur. Somehow he must have notified the ANBU because his so-...the body had been collected. Now, as he held the plain ceramic jar of ash, Takeshi couldn't bring himself to feel anything. Exhaustion weighed him down. The empty house seemed to yawn into the abyss, yet he felt suffocated.

He had gone to the bar earlier, a different one, in search of some measure of normalcy. He didn't find it. Old friends, co workers, one of his academy sensei...it felt like everyone he knew was at that bar. Takeshi remembered why he had avoided it, there were too many people who knew him. Worse, they knew about Izumi. Each condolence felt like a stab in the back, every furtive look felt like he was drowning. He couldn't help wondering, as he watched them 'Was it you? Did you kill him? Did you walk along that street and ignore his cries?' Takeshi was so busy dieing inside that he didn't even stop to think that he had been the one killing his son. That he had been the one who pushed Izumi away. The warped, fractured shell of a man hunched a little closer to the jar in his hands.


	7. First Watch

When Shima woke up the next morning at some ungodly hour, she did not expect to see her sensei kissing the squinty-eyed chunin from yesterday on the cheek. (Ra-something?) She most certainly did not expect said chunin to then hug Anko as if she were the most precious thing he knew. Shima's brain short-circuited. A high-pitched buzzing became audible. "K-kai…" Shima mumbled with her eyes clamped shut. After a small 'whoosh', she cracked open an eye and peered anxiously into the half-light. Her sensei was nonchalantly munching away on breakfast and the chunin was nowhere to be seen. Shima knew better than to tempt fate. She rolled over and went back to sleep.

Sakura woke up happy. She was in a good place. Wrapped up in her warm sleeping bag, surrounded by her amazing teammates, far away from her worries in Konoha, she was practically relaxed. Not even Naoe's obnoxiously bony elbow in her gut or the kikaichu crawling across her shoulder could mess this up for her. Not even… nevermind, that elbow had to go. A few well placed kicks got Naoe off and some (totally not frantic) swipes removed all of Shima's bugs without killing them. Shima gets pissed when her bugs are smushed. Sighing, Sakura set out for breakfast. Upon reaching the kitchen, the girl stopped dead in her tracks. She realized that, for the first time in her life, she didn't have to be the one to make breakfast. She...she could make Naoe do it. 'That's the best freakin plan I've had all week.' She thought.

Naoe yawned, then shivered. After being oh so rudely awakened, he too set out for food...Only to find Sakura standing in the kitchen entrance eyeing him and looking as if she had just had an epiphany. "What?" He asked defensively. Her eyes narrowed. "Do you cook? Like breakfast and shit, cooking." He surveyed the kitchen. "...Yeah?" Kano had taught him to cook. "Do it." He eyed Sakura again. "You want me to cook breakfast? For you?" "Yes." She looked as she always did, completely confident in her actions, as if she had been given orders from the Hokage himself to order Naoe to cook breakfast for her. That look had once convinced an academy class full of older kids that she was the sub and that her 'assistant', Uzumaki Naruto, would be instructing them on the intricacies of trap-making that day. That had ended in fire. Naoe shook his head in exasperation. "Sure, I'll cook breakfast. What do you want?" He stepped into the kitchen. It looked...organized, clean. The floor had been swept and there weren't any dishes left out. "Something with eggs." She replied. He shrugged and rummaged through the fridge, emerging with milk, eggs, butter, and vegetables. Breakfast was probably gonna be omelettes.

Shima arrived twenty minutes later looking like she had done her morning kata already. "Hey!" Naoe greeted from the counter where he was wearing a light green apron and mixing egg batter. "Morning" Sakura mumbled from the kitchen table where she was slumped, watching Naoe cook as if it was a surreal phenomenon. Shima nodded in response, unfazed. She hadn't gotten much sleep after her...vision...that morning and decided to start her morning routine early. "We should train lightly today and retire early to prepare for our watch tonight." Her team hummed in agreement. They were all a little nervous to be on border patrol so soon after graduation. The kitchen fell quiet… Too quiet. Shima surreptitiously stole a piece of red bell pepper from Naoe's pile. Sakura grinned and waved the piece of mushroom she had already stolen. Naoe frowned at his ingredients and grabbed more vegetables.

Mizuki strapped on his gear, moving silently in the dim light. He was focused. He was deadly. Border patrol was important, it was vital in the case of an attack. He was the first line of defence. He was-... 'I completely forgot about those damn kids… Holy shit I completely forgot about them. I'm gonna make that fucking pink brat pay for...for...for being obnoxious! Yeah, she probably couldn't take down a fly in a real fight. Totally.' He packed another Fuma shuriken just in case.

Ranka shook his head at Mizuki's way-too-easy-to-read thoughts. Yawning, he wandered into the bathroom leaving Mizuki to his (not)panicking. Brushing his teeth he wondered about the visiting team. Team Not Dead. The brats seemed to have a pretty good idea of their situation if that's the name they picked on the first day. He admired Anko for many things but childcare was not her specialty. He'd even heard through the grapevine that Anko had been the one to request a team and that she had wanted these brats specifically. According to Kurenai, Anko was the only reason the girl, Sakura's, early application had gone through. The council had not been willing to see another prodigy so soon after Itachi. He spat out the toothpaste and washed his face. 'Whatever her reasons, I'll protect the kids in her place tonight.'

Mitsuki blissfully slept, completely ignoring his teammate's drama.

When first watch started, at 2200 (10pm), five shadowy shapes blended flawlessly with the foliage, spreading through the forest. The pre-watch meeting had gone well. Patrol two reported no suspicious activity or bad feelings. Patrol one agreed to spread out along the border, stopping sporadically, and keeping in touch with their radios. The genin were instructed to move together or at least close so that they would be able to defend themselves against a more-powerful enemy. Code names were provided and they moved out.

It was a bit after midnight, 2413 (12:13) to be exact. Team Not Dead was perched in a tree, looking over the moonlight dappled forest floor for any sign of suspicious activity. Nothing. One of them did a small kai every so often on the off chance that something was wrong anyway. Nothing.

It was 0325. Sakura had set a veritable spiderweb of super-thin wires stretching ten miles across the border. She was holding a tiny drop of chakra throughout the entire contraption. With this, she would be able to detect any developed chakra within 20 feet of any wire. Shima had spread her bugs over the ten miles to the west of her and the two chunin had claimed all the land to the east. Naoe stayed in between the his teammates areas, prepared to rush to one side or another. Nothing.

It was 0748. Sakura's traps had caught three rabbits, a squirrel, and two snakes. The rabbits and squirrel were saved for food after watch. The snakes Sakura saved to scare the shit out of Naoe. Nothing had happened.

At 0930, the genin headed back to base to debrief. Sakura left her fuckton of traps up and operational for the next few days she would need them. Nothing had happened all night and the kids were bored and sleepy. When they got back, they saw that it had been the same for everyone. Boredom. No wonder it hadn't been a big deal to have genin stand watch. After warning the group about her traps, Sakura stumbled to her sleeping pad, passing out before she even took her hitai ate off. Shima and Naoe politely greeted Anko sensei before copying their young teammate.

Anko watched her genin collapse with what would be a fond smile if it were on anyone else. Her new teammates shivered and Ranka looked understanding. 'Damn that man' Anko thought 'always looking as if he understands me better than I do.' She punched him on the shoulder and pushed him off to bed.

The Hokage frowned as he faced down Tsukoru Takeshi. The belligerent chunin had originally come in to request any info on his son's murderers. Hiruzen only had speculation. Takeshi had lost his cool. Now, the wrecked shell of a ninja was shaking under his Hokage's glare. "I assure you Tsukoru-san, I am doing everything in my power to find your son's murderer. I do not take murder and mutilation of my citizens lightly. Your accusations that I don't care simply because Izumi-san was not a ninja are unfounded and insulting." Takeshi bowed his head in shame and fear. "I-I apologize Hokage-sama. I was...overly emotional." "Good. Now get out Tsukoru-san, I have an investigation to manage."

After the ex-father left with his metaphorical tail between his legs, Hiruzen let out a strained sigh and looked out the window. The case really was a curious one. While it was common for relatives of traitors to be shunned and bullied, Izumi hadn't been seriously attacked in years. His mother had not been the direct cause of shinobi deaths, and his father had killed her anyway, thus eliminating much of the potential hostility against the family. Izumi should not have been targeted so harshly simply for his mother's actions. There had to be something else. What did they really know about Tsukoru Izumi anyway?


	8. Side-Tracked

There is an understanding in all ninja villages; there is nothing more disruptive than bored ninja. By the third night of boring watches where absolutely nothing happened ever, Team Not Dead was ready to die. Or shank a bitch. Whichever came first. Between the three of them, the entire stretch of forest had been lightly trapped, the animals had gained an irrational fear of pupiless pale blue eyes, and kikaichu had infested the area. Anko had had a good laugh when one of her teammates accidentally set off a trap and ended up covered in neon orange (one of the only colors that doesn't appear naturally and is therefore easy to track in a forest) paint and was forced to dodge all manner of deadly weapons. They had to take their next watch off to recover from minor poisoning. In fact, everyone but Anko had received shallow wounds that week from setting off traps (poor Mizuki had set off the one in the shower), playing intense ninja versions of schoolyard games, or accidentally interrupting one of said games.

When the time finally came for Team Not Dead to depart, there was much rejoicing. The kids were excited to hit the road, the chunin just wanted some peace, and Anko looked like she was planning something. Sure enough, barely an hour later, the genin knew something was up. "Anko sensei, I believe this road heads to the South. I believe we should take the other one, as it heads East, towards Konoha." Shima had stopped at the crossroads while her teammates had blindly followed Sensei. At Anko's smile, the kids knew it had been deliberate. "Konoha? We're not going back _there_ so soon. This is my first out-of-village assignment since getting you brats and by-the-Log I am going to make the most out of it. No; we are going to Tanzaku Gai." Anko glanced down at them briefly, considering, before she shrugged and started running. "Keep up brats!" They swore and sprinted after her.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a dark and shadowy alley of Tanzaku Gai, a meeting was taking place. It wasn't a particularly uncommon sort of meeting, but note-worthy all the same. A small shadow addressed the dirty teenage girl who had just finished reporting. "Are you sure it's the same one?" "Ay, I'm sure. Hella hard to track, that one, but I followed the chain and th' money and found myself there." The shadow nodded and handed over a small bag. The girl nodded in thanks and took off. The shadow loitered a moment longer before pushing off the wall and setting out. Their stride purposeful.

The shadow, who had revealed himself as a short young man, stopped in the hallway of the cheap inn before, nervously, knocking on door number #23. No reply. The man wilted. He tried again. Nothing. He looked around cautiously before huddling closer to the door. He opened his mouth to call into the room and, shockingly, the voice of a young woman came out. "A-ano, is Jiraya sama here? I-I was told he could he-help me." Barely a moment later, a loud crash and muffled swearing came from the room before the door was thrust open. Jiraiya's excited face fell dramatically when he saw that he had been tricked. "Speak fast or get out. Preferably the later." He barked. The young man straightened again. "I heard you could find anyone. I can make it worth your while."

* * *

Anko sensei dumped her literally sleepwalking team in a hotel room and set out into the nightlife of Tanzaku Gai. She had a lot of personal Anko Time to make up for. When the kids did finally wake up, sprawled in a pile on what seemed like the comfiest bed they had ever felt, it was to the faces of two strange men looming above them. Sakura and Naoe shrieked and instinctively kicked out at them while Shima launched bugs and grabbed a kunai.

After a minor scuffle, Jiraiya got the brats to calm down so he could explain. He sweatdropped as, fully-clothed, Naoe and Sakura huddled against each other curled inward as if to preserve their modesty. Shima loomed behind them protectively. They were obviously sceptical that he was really a highly ranked and honored Konoha shinobi. The young man behind him was even more suspicious. After a while, Jiraiya finally realized they **did** believe him, they just didn't like him and were stalling for their sensei to get back. How was he so certain this was their plan? The kunai suddenly digging into his spine and the venomous snake choking his companion tipped him of. 'Ugh, now I have to explain again.' Jiraiya slumped.

"So let me get this straight, _this guy_ " Sakura points at the young man "Yori" Naoe cut in. Sakura sent him a condescending look "Yeah, and that's _totally_ not a fake name. Noooo, _nothing_ about a name meaning 'servant to the public' is suspicious in a world of hidden villages and spies." Naoe shrugged and leaned back against Shima. Sakura had noticed that Naoe was conditioning Shima to tolerate human touch. "So, as I was saying, _this guy_ is looking for the Legendary Sucker, Tsunade sama. So he found someone who could find a guy who could find her and used that guy to find a Konoha team to 'protect him' during the conversation. Yeah, because obviously a bunch of freakin _genin_ are going to be _sooo_ helpful." "You do realize all you really had to do was walk down the street and wait for an overpowered bar fight if you wanted to save time and money." Shima's words seemed to crush the man's spirit. He obviously hadn't realized it was so simple.

Anko sent her team a critical look, "Why do you guys know how to find one of the Sanin?" Cue three innocent and slightly confused looks. Anko's eyes narrowed. Naoe cracked first, "O-okay! Okay! We were just keeping tabs on anyone capable of countering Sakura's more deadly poisons! You know, to avoid them!" "or kill them later" Sakura and Shima muttered. Naoe sweatdropped. Anko nodded approvingly and turned back to the man. "Go away, we don't have time to chaperone your conversations." "No! Please! I need your help!" 'Yori' got down on his knees, begging. "This is pointless" Anko sighed, "I don't care what your reasons are, what we really need to discuss is how much you are willing to pay." Her genin nodded in agreement. Money _was_ what made the world go 'round after all.


	9. Impulsive

**Author's Note:** Cool, so this is a quick character recap.

Haruno Sakura(girl) / Tsukoru Izumi(boy) - 8 years old, genin

Naoe Yamanaka (boy) - 11 years old, genin

Aburame Shima (girl) - 12 years old, genin

Sensei of Team Not Dead - Mitarashi Anko - 20 years old, tokubetsu jounin

Takeshi is a pathetic, miserable shell of a man.

The Hokage is thoughtful but too busy to deal with this shit.

Anko has the ninja equivalent to daddy issues.

* * *

"We're just here for decoration aren't we" Naoe sighed as he watched the (apparently) intense poker game laid out on the dingy bar table. They'd found Tsunade alright...she wasn't exactly subtle. Sakura was passed out and snoring on the wall after "accidentally" mistaking sake for water a few too many times. Naoe would judge her but he honestly had no idea how she managed to _stay_ on the wall despite being both drunk and asleep. He glanced at his other teammate for help. Shima shrugged as if to say "Fuck it" and chugged a bottle before Naoe could stop her. She collapsed. '...what the hell?' Naoe had definitely not expected that from his quiet, composed teammate. Out of curiosity, Naoe dragged her over to the wall and, carefully, leaned her back against it...she slid off. His eyes narrowed.

.. . . ...2 hours later.. .

"UUUGH! THIS SHITTY GAME! FINE! FINE! I'LL GO HELP YOUR STUPID TINY VILLAGE DAMNIT!" Yori (who looked ready to pass out as well) grinned widely and bowed deeply. "My humblest thanks Lady Tsunade, my village will forever be in your gratitude." *HMPH* Tsunade sniffed at his poorly-concealed glee "You better buy me lots of booze for this." She turned as if to storm off before stopping suddenly and slowly glancing over her shoulder. "And if you _ever_ try to manipulate me again…" her eyes glinted and bloodlust caressed his senses "you won't survive it." And then she was gone.

Yori collapsed on the floor, shaking. 'The killing intent of a sannin is a whole new level' he thought. 'That was barely anything too.' He glanced at the pile of genin, doing a double take when he realized they were piled on the _wall_ before sighing again. They had (unwittingly) served their purpose as part of Tsunade's emotional baggage and were the manipulation she had referred to. Yori groaned, 'Damn **expensive** baggage! That creepy sensei of theirs hagled away nearly all my money. Ugh.'

* * *

The next morning Shima woke up bright and early to the wonderful rays of sun brightening her room and _stabbing blunt senbon through her brain_. The resulting pitiful high pitched whine was echoed by the _painfully bright_ familiar head of pink hair next to her. Dimly, she remembered the feeling of a sake bottle in her hand and the thought 'fuck it' going through her head. 'uuughhh...THIS is why Aburame don't do things impulsively, it huuuuurts.'

Poor Naoe was left with the thankless position of being the voice of reason. After he brought them both water bottles and helped poor Sakura vomit everything up, he pushed Shima and Sakura into the shower and made sure they got dressed and ready for the day. The team went out for a late lunch. Both girls were swearing they'd never drink alcohol again and flinching at every loud noise. Naoe was looking pretty stressed at this point, herding and managing two hungover, impulsive ninja was worse than any D-rank he had ever seen. By the time they ran into Anko in a weapons shop, Naoe was prepared to bow down to Uchiha Madara himself if it got the girls to behave.

Anko wasn't impressed. "Do you brats just live in a constant state of imminent destruction or something? Every time I bring you anywhere, you guys look like you were chased by demons the whole way." 'You're usually the demon' the three brats thought indignantly. They frowned instead. "You can't even hold your liquor yet, how did I raise such disappointments" Anko teased. "Same way your sensei raised you I would guess" Sakura shot back snippily. Anko froze. Then the room froze. Sakura realized she had just blown through the line with a bludgeoning earth jutsu and she felt regret but had no idea how to fix it. Shima and Naoe were giving her the familiar 'you've killed us all' look. Anko was still froze, obviously caught in a flashback, and they had _no idea_ how she would act. Was she mad? What level of mad? Worse, was she sad? She had been quiet for a while now and the silence was getting more oppressive.

"I…" they jumped as Anko sensei raised her head "I am _nothing_ like that bastard. **Nothing**! He left-" she paused, suddenly aware that she was about to tell them something important. "He blocked my memory and abandoned me on an island after telling me...after telling me I would never be strong enough to be worth anything" she finished quietly. "I was ten." After a heavy pause, she straightened her posture and, with her head held high, walked between her startled genin and out the door.

.. . … . .. .

After Anko had dropped that bombshell on them, they tracked down Jiraiya and tricked him into telling them who Anko's sensei had been. It was surprisingly easy to trick the sannin, they just ran in looking distressed and angry and ranting about how horrible Anko's sensei had been. A shadow had crossed Jiraiya's face and he had proceeded to lecture them on the many betrayals of Orochimaru, legendary sannin, mad scientist, and S-rank missing nin of Konohagakure. To say the team had been shocked was an understatement. They were livid. The team kill list, which had previously only held one name, acquired a new entry that day.

* * *

Needless to say, the run home was awkward. The usual murderous jokes fell flat. Sensei had a stomach ache from binge eating dango the day before. Naoe, the most empathetic of the group, was trying to integrate the small bit of pity and understanding he had gained with the rest of the emotions he associated Anko sensei with. Sakura was depressed, having suffered from flashbacks since Anko's confession. Shima had been temporarily appointed as the voice of reason. She had already made sure everyone ate, wore their shoes, didn't walk into doorframes, and ran at a reasonable place. A true godsend.

They were all hoping for some sort of life threatening event so they wouldn't have to deal with the realization that Anko sensei was human. Unfortunately, all they got was a few unlucky bandits that Team Not Dead viciously tore through until all that was left were broken shells of men crippled and trapped in their own minds.

Finally, Konoha's gates loomed in front of them. They were home.


	10. Bonding

After skirting around the issue for a week, Kurenai finally forced Team Not Dead to confront the truth. Anko would've found it hilarious if she hadn't been the issue in question.

"Guys, you have to accept that Anko is human and has feelings too." Four blank stares regarded her from the ground where they were forced to remain after Kakashi buried them. Kurenai sighed. "Even cruel people have feelings and backstories you know. Anko didn't just appear on earth for the sole purpose of torturing you! She is your sensei, your elder, and a skilled shinobi who has a life outside of training." Que four more incredulous looks. 'Honestly' Kurenai thought 'Anko looks just as shocked as the kids.' "Kakashi, help me out here." The blank stares turned to Kakashi. The silver haired assassin flipped another page. "Maa, I don't know what you're talking about either Kurenai. I'm pretty sure Anko jumped out of the womb wielding deadly weapons and torturing little kids." Team Not Dead nodded sagely in agreement and Anko didn't know wether to be insulted or appreciative.

In the end, Team Not Dead decided that they were better off staying in denial no matter what sort of feelings Anko revealed next and they all went on their merry way. As they walked away, Kurenai had an unsettling glint in her eye. Kakashi flipped another page. There would be trouble soon.

.. .. … . .. .

Sakura did not want to deal with feelings. After dealing with them for nearly nine years she had decided she was done. Now, in normal households and with normal Konoha genin teams, with anything _normal_ there would have been people to "snap her out of it" or "talk some sense into her." Team Not Dead was _not_ normal.

"Pass the ice cream" "get your own, I paid for this shit" Shima reached over and refilled both their ice cream bowls. The three friends were collapsed on Sakura's couch recovering from the shock of the earlier lecture on Anko's "humanity." In a strange twist of fate, on their team it was the Aburame who was the most caring, the civilian-raised who was the most paranoid, and the Yamanaka who was the most brash. A bunch of weirdos with a weird sensei who had a weird sensei who had the bloody Hokage as sensei.

Now, I get it, you're probably wondering why this whole Anko Has Feelings thing is throwing these kids for such a loop. It's complicated. The kids are legitimately terrified of Anko and the only way they are functioning and working with her instead of pissing their pants and blacking out purely from PTSD is thanks to survival mechanisms in the brain known as grave humor, repression, suspension of disbelief, and dissociation. Learning that their object of fear and loathing was actually a human made her much harder to deal with.

Well then, you might think, what does she do that scares them so much?

.. . …. . . .

It was a lovely day. The best fire country had to offer. An bluebird sky dotted with picturesque clouds hovered above the country. It was warm but not muggy and, as it was a weekend, couples and families were taking walks through parks, buying ice cream, and eating watermelon throughout Konohagakure. Meanwhile, Team Not Dead was barely living up to their name.

Anko hadn't given warning when she attacked. She never does. Naoe had barely brushed her side with his reflexively thrown ice cream spoon. Sakura had shrieked and yanked on a nearby wire but only one of the twenty or so poisoned senbon shot from different angles across the room managed to hit her. From the resulting saccharine smile, Sakura knew Anko had the antidote anyway. Shima managed to plant some bugs but half of them were killed instantly from the insecticide Anko's clothes had been laced in. They all knew it was too little too late.

They woke up tied and hung upside down at least a hundred feet in the air in a grove of the largest trees they had ever seen. After Shima's bugs ate through the cords they realized something horrible. They didn't have any weapons or supplies. Shima's jacket with its thousands of pockets was gone. Their weapons packs were gone. Their sealing scrolls with food and tents were gone. Their shoes and bandages were gone. At this point they were thankful they had kept their shirts. The only bit of metal they had was their hitai ate and Shima's glasses (there was no way they were messing with those). They sighed, it was gonna be one of those days.

After a week had passed the kids were haggard. Their clothes were shredded, their skin was no better. Sakura had been using tiger teeth for daggers and vines for traps. Naoe had been taking over the most powerful creature in the area and using it to clear a path for the team. Shima was sunburned and pissed off. Her reaction to the last giant bear surprise attack was to scream in frustration and swarm the unfortunate creature with kikaichu. In barely ten seconds its bones clattered to the ground...picked clean. Naoe and Sakura exchanged fearful looks and edged away. Shima stormed over and dragged them behind her, they were going to survive or die trying.

Anko had also been harassing them the whole time so that on top of the joys of nature, they also had to contend with poison, snakes, genjutsu, and some mild mental torture techniques. A favorite of hers was a genjutsu that made the team see different characteristics of Anko in their teammates. For example, Sakura almost got shanked because her wide green eyes suddenly looked brown and her expression appeared full of murderous insanity. Team Not Dead had to cope with those they trusted most in this setting bearing the face of their torturer.

 _They were not okay._

…. . … . .. .

"Anko! Anko where are you! Ankoooooo! Come on you can't keep sulking, come out!" Kurenai called to the closed apartment door. Shockingly, the door actually opened. Less shocking perhaps was that Anko wasn't the one to open it. Kakashi slouched against the entrance. "She's not here, no one can find her or her team." He sounded blase and unconcerned but his book was noticeably absent. Kurenai knew enough not to call him out on it. "What the hell" she muttered "its been nearly two weeks, she doesn't usually sulk this long." Kurenai was tired. She hadn't seen Anko once since that little emotional intervention and she (Kurenai) was leaving on a mission in a few days so she wanted to make sure her wayward friend would be okay. Of course, when Anko wanted to hide she didn't do half measures. "We've been over all of Konoha damnit! And she can't take her team out of the village without signing them out first! She didn't! I checked! _And_ I looked in all the training grounds her team can use!" "So what you're saying" Kakashi drawled "is that you're looking for somewhere _safe_ for her team to be within the village ignoring the fact that nothing Anko does is ever safe? Hmm?" Kurenai paled. "You can't mean…" Kakashi gave her a look, he had realized too. He nodded "Training Ground 44 _is_ her personal favorite."


	11. Therapy

They had had one day. One day of healing, sleep, and security. One day since they had been unceremoniously plucked from the woods and plopped down in Konoha's general hospital. They had been tired but not tired enough to miss the exhaustion on Anko's face. The rage and worry in Kurenai's clenched jaw and narrowed eyes. Kakashi's face was grave, as if he understood too well what had led to this nightmare.

Team Not Dead had been trying to rest. They were hidden in a cave stocked with foraged food and guarded by an obscene number of traps when their alarms were triggered. It took Kakashi two and a half hours to get through and by that time the kids had already snuck out a back entrance and been caught by Kurenai. They were lean but not starving, their wounds had been patched with herbs and bound with the remains of their clothes. They were only wearing shorts and makeshift bandages at this point. Sakura had bound her nonexistent chest. Mixed with the dirt and grass stains on them was dried blood and tufts of various furs. They were clearly in survival mode, lashing out at even Kurenai and desperately keeping each other in sight at all times. They calmed down a bit after Kurenai dispelled no less than four high level genjutsus the kids hadn't been able to break on their own. Sakura's bright green eyes followed Kakashi like she hadn't decided if he was predator or prey. They reminded Kakashi of war times.

To be honest, Anko hadn't been much better. She had panicked that _that man_ would kill them, her team, her _children_ , just to prove a point. She had been desperate to make them stronger, to make sure they would survive _anything_. "Haha ha...ha I guess...I really am like him huh? So afraid of death...So afraid to lose…" Kakashi's face had been like the grave. He understood. "You hurt them Anko. You hurt your precious people." That didn't mean he agreed. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" she screeched. "We're all just god damn ghosts Kakashi! Dead men walking! He'd kill them… He'd kill them just to see what it was like. To see how I fall apart. He'd stand there in their blood and step on their lifeless limbs and watch me flinch as they snap…" she trailed off, caught up in her vision. "And he'd say 'What a pity, I thought they'd be better than that' and he'd smile and vanish just like he always does. **Why doesn't he ever just kill me**?" Kakashi decided he never wanted to be a sensei.

…. . … . … . .

They were waiting for the door to be flung open dramatically, for their sensei to waltz in like she hadn't tortured them for two weeks and proceed to dole out D-ranks like they were going out of style. She didn't. She knocked.

Shima knew it was sensei because her Kikaichu had been planted on her for weeks. Naoe and Sakura knew because they had become overly sensitive to her chakra signature. They had all known the moment Anko entered the building (from the fourth floor's second window on the East side if you're wondering). They had followed her meandering path through the hospital. They had watch her walk quickly and purposefully in circles, as if to buy time without appearing to. Their every sense had been tuned to her presence, so necessary the skill had been only a day ago. They had decided as a team not to run. So they waited. And when the door finally opened, it wasn't the scary monster they were expecting, it was just a scared woman.

Anko and Team Not Dead had their first good, healing talk that day in the hospital. It was practically a therapy session. Anko shared her fears of Orochimaru, her experiences in war, and her fear that they would be cut down on some bastard's whim. Naoe shared his cousin complex, how emotionally reliant he was on Kano after she had stepped in for his parents. Shima shared her isolation in society for being an Aburame, her loving but distant and often absent parents. Sakura shared her (half-truth) story of a single mom in the red light district, being judged solely on looks, of liquor and hateful words. Team Not Dead was trauma bonded and trusted each other with everything. Anko was an outsider who they needed but didn't want.

.. . .. . .. .. . .

It was no surprise to learn that the Hokage had temporarily suspended Anko from leading physical and torture-related training for two weeks. "For the purpose of rest and recuperation..." Naoe finished reading. "That's it? There was nothing in here about our sensei's little _episode_! What's up with that!" He threw his arms up in exasperation. "We live in a military dictatorship Naoe, they weren't exactly going to consider human rights and hurt feelings" Sakura snarked from her piggy back ride on Shima's back. "I agree with Sakura" Shima added. "As genin, we are disposable. We should just be happy we weren't permanently injured." "That's it!?" Naoe shrieked "You're just going to accept it!" "Of course not you idiot!" Sakura butted in. "Shima is saying that we have to become valuable! We're disposable as genin but what about as a skilled chunin team? ANBU? Jounin? The next sannin? We need become strong enough to escape our role as pawns in everyone else's games." Team Not Dead's kill list had turned into a goal sheet.

Kill Anko (Edited: still on the list but not first priority)

Kill Orochimaru

Become strong enough to be free

They had a busy schedule. And in the midst of their fledgling plot, Izumi's birthday slipped by like a stranger in the night. He was only nine.

.. . .. . ….. .. . .

Hiruzen read over Anko's report. Her team's little "therapy session" had provided valuable intel on the up-and-coming genins. Their weaknesses would be very useful in case anything happens. There was just one little problem. Sakura's mother didn't exist.


	12. Calm

"Big news guys! That magical point in all promising genin's lives has arrived. Their first Chunin Exams! You'll crush them!" Anko Sensei was in a good mood today.

"Thanks! I hate it." Sakura wasn't.

"And in preparation! I am going to oh so generously bestow upon you ultimate ninja skills!" Anko didn't care about Sakura's emo moods.

Grudgingly, Naoe and Shima leaned closer. People didn't just toss around words like "ultimate ninja skills" for nothing. Even Sakura put her attitude to the side for a moment, overcome by curiosity. "And what would that be?"

Anko grinned, it was both the Grin of DoomTM and pure excitement for the topic. "Infiltration" she whispered. It was obvious from their faces that her team didn't quite see the appeal, although Sakura and Naoe were interested.

"You're just doing this because you've been banned from physical training for two weeks" Shima was deadpan and unimpressed.

"You're not wrong" Anko cackled "but that doesn't make it any less important."

.. . . .. . . . . .

The first day was a crash course in makeup, voice control, and stance. Naoe was the only one who had experience with makeup, Kano had explained it to him and showed him how to apply basic eyeshadow, eyeliner, and lipstick. Shima and Sakura were completely lost, having never even considered they would use it one day. Kurenai had taken plenty of photos and had the audacity to claim they weren't for blackmail.

The voice control was fun, they tried to imitate each other and other people they knew. When combined with the henge, the whole thing was a riot. Shima conjured up the appearance of the venerable Hokage and went around talking like Maito Guy. Naoe paired Anko's face with the voice of some whiny Hyuuga brat he ran into one time. Sakura paired Sasuke's face with Naruto's voice and behavior. Sakura's joke had been in bad taste, they all sobered up at the thought of the clan massacre, only a few months ago.

Working on stance was interesting, it was the art of mannerisms. Of copying everything about how someone else moved and internalizing it, making it fluid and natural. Sakura was _really_ good at it. With a henge, she could easily pass off as her teammates. Naoe had a knack for internalizing people's nervous ticks and little movements but often had problems with the big picture. As expected, Shima sucked at it.

"So, you have to work on making big movements. Like swinging your arms and taking long strides… A bit more… expression…" Naoe trailed off as Shima strode robotically around the room, eyebrows twitching occasionally. Sakura was on the floor giggling to herself and running through voices in harsh parody of everyone she knew. Anko had dragged Kurenai away ages ago after promising harsh training in the morning.

…. .. .. .. .. .

The team was interested in the Chunin exams. The opportunity for advancement was much appreciated but they knew they were considered disposable to Konoha. Their team was considered crazy and cannon-fodder, not skilled or full of potential. Two branch members of underestimated clans and an orphan civilian, prodigy or not, were not exactly on the council's radar. Furthermore, with Anko as their sensei, the higher-ups were even less inclined to ensure their survival. The team had never even been in combat before and they were just going to be tossed into the battle royale called the Chunin Exams?

They had started training in secret, focusing on stealth, tracking, wilderness survival, and assassination. They had started developing a code too. It was a mix of flower language, shared experiences, personal ticks, and random words. Sakura had thrown herself into her poisons and medical jutsu, taking time to teach her teammates as well. They did request Anko's help integrating poisons with Shima's kikaichu. Naoe had a flair for contact poisons (napkins, papers, things people pick up without thinking). Shima had amazing chakra control for medical jutsu but limited chakra thanks to her kikaichu. Naoe had above average control with large reserves. Sakura had the best control and her reserves were still growing, they would be impressive after puberty.

They had been training their situational awareness and chakra sense as well. At this point they were able to identify some hidden ninja (probably ANBU) around town and find each other's clones in a crowd. Anko hadn't successfully snuck up on them in weeks.

.. . . … . .. .

Basically, they were on edge, manic one moment and despondent the next. Kano had been worried at Naoe's attitude change until she watched a team training. After that, she supported his training any way she could. Similarly, Shima's parents had been worried. Shima's humor had gone from dry to morbid and acidic with undertones of desperation. Similarly, once they observed team training, they understood and supported her all they could. Unfortunately, they were hardly around so not much changed except an increase in her allowance.

Funnily enough, Shima's parents and Kano "supervised" the same team training. That was either a mistake or a stroke of brilliance. Neither party informed their charges or Anko of their decision. They met each other on the roof of Kurenai's house after spending hours searching for the team. None of them knew _why_ they were at Kurenai's house (they hadn't heard about Anko being suspended from physical training). They curiously peered through the window…

Anko stifled a malicious, high pitched giggle upon spying her team's relatives peering through the window. She watched in glee as their faces froze in shock. Slowly, understanding edged into their expressions and they had to stifle giggles of their own. There, in the living room of Kurenai's small apartment, Team Not Dead was dressed up and applying makeup. Naoe had a stylish sky blue kimono with navy blue sash. His wig of long, pale blonde hair was up on the side with a hair pin. Sakura was holding the mirror for him.

Sakura's own outfit was that of an upper class civilian's, with light (yet sloppily done) makeup and a wig of light brown hair. Shima, nearby, was struggling to walk in her one-inch heels. Her silver gown went down to her knees and her usual goggles had been replaced with tinted sunglasses. Her poofy black hair had been let down and the team had been shocked to find it went midway down her back. Lucky for her, the glasses eliminated the need for eye makeup.

The assorted relatives hanging outside the window had taken photos, blackmail for sure, and had come to the startling realization that their kids were growing up. They were only starting on infiltration and hadn't even killed anyone yet but they were definitely growing up.


	13. Departure

Takeshi woke up in a cold sweat. Not daring to move a muscle, he reached out with his senses and tried to remember what had happened. He was on the ground; dirt floor, damp, a cold draft crawled through his damp clothes and he suddenly felt horribly cold. Weakly, he opened his eyes only to find it made no difference, it was pitch black, and rolled onto his back. He was exhausted, chakra drained he realized, which was odd considering he didn't remember being in a battle or over training. He didn't remember anything since returning from his last mission, he didn't even know if he had reported back yet.

His cell was small. After exploring every inch of it Takeshi was no closer to discovering where he was. A drip in the corner provided muddy water and he had discovered food near what he assumed was the door. That had been ten sleep-cycles ago. Food was only delivered when he was asleep, there must be a sensor out there, and he had not spoken to or seen anyone during that time. His chakra had been sealed away, leaving him barely enough to regulate his body temperature. Somehow, the empty was worse than torture.

Team Not Dead was ready to hit the road. They had worked on infiltration, intimidation, coded communication, and...flirting for two weeks before heading out to the Chunin Exams. Not only were the kids steadily getting fed up with the propaganda of the whole thing (if they heard the speech about how it was such a BIG DEAL, someone would die) they were also scared for their lives. They were the only Konoha team attending and it was NOT as a show of strength. They were probably both the most problematic and the most disposable Konoha team as well as being young enough for the whole thing to be passed off as a show of strength to other villages. It was honestly surprising that any Konoha team was attending these exams considering where they were hosted.

"We're dead" Shima grimaced at the blunt, unforgiving truth of Naoe's assertion. Sakura nodded. "This whole village is plotting against us. First we get Anko sensei and now...this." Sakura nodded again. "We haven't even fought in a real battle yet." Naoe felt like Sakura and Shima weren't quite grasping the situation. "We're even worse than rookie genin, we're basically academy students." Shima and Sakura nodded blankly in resignation. "Just...what the hell...we're going to KIRI. Like, literally bloody KIRI. For. Our. First. Combat. Experience." Naoe was verging on hysterics. "Well! This wasn't exactly surprising you know" Sakura offered "we all knew Anko sensei is completely incapable of comprehending other's pain." "Anko sensei believes that the best ninja is a ninja who can survive absolutely anything, it is only reasonable that she is training us according to her beliefs" Shima added sagely. Naoe slumped against Shima and scrunched his face to mask the pure terror he felt before hanging his head and suggesting they go get some ice cream.

Hiruzen sank back into his chair. Naruto's prank earlier that day had certainly livened things up and he wished the ADHD ball of sunshine could simply splatter paint and glitter over all his problems, not just his boredom. But Naruto was home now, along with most of the day-staff, and Hiruzen's problems were very much intact and glitter-free. Danzo had been acting up again, ROOT had been more active around the village than usual. It was only a few days ago that Hiruzen had heard Orochimaru had been kicked out of his missing nin group, the Akatsuki. While it was a relief he wasn't part of a powerful organization, it meant it was going to be damn near impossible to keep tabs on him.

Leaving that particular mess aside, the Chunin Exams were rearing their ugly head again. He had only one team that was not only potentially powerful enough to make it out alive and young enough to make Konoha seem strong, it was low-ranking and disconnected enough to be allowed to go. True, the Aburame was a bloodline user (a risky move) but Shima was too young for any... ah sexual misadventures to occur. (Yamanaka techniques aren't actually a bloodline, they are just closely guarded). She was also a distant branch member who didn't know the more closely guarded techniques and only half Aburame. Moreover, her blood was much lower on the radar than say…Hyuuga or Uchiha.

Regarding that team… Hiruzen shuffled through the cluttered mess on his desk to locate the results of his investigation into Haruno Sakura. The girl's story hadn't checked out. Not only was there no trace of her mother in the Red Light District, it appeared she hadn't even lived there. He looked at Anko's report of the team's "Therapy Session" The girl hadn't been lying about the domestic abuse, those tics couldn't really be copied. She had been observed long term to confirm. Also, with her rapid rise through the academy, it was obvious that she was driven. After giving her file to Yamanaka Inoichi for a psych profile, he now had two working theories.

Young Sakura was a sloppily placed plant or had some sort of a grudge against someone and entered the academy to subvert Konoha.

She was running away from her family or caretakers and using the shinobi corp for training and protection. In this case, her family or caretakers had some sort of physical or political clout.

Hiruzen sighed, whichever it was, she would be troublesome.

Kurenai was worried. And when Kurenai was worried, she mothered. "You sure you've got everything?" she asked Anko anxiously. Her long term friend scowled. "I'm fine Kurenai! Geeze, you're acting like this is my first C-rank." "Maybe you could take some more jutsu scrolls for the kids, or more wire, or…" At Anko's sullen expression Kurenai trailed off. A silence fell over them as they both acknowledged the danger. Anko looked up at Kurenai and offered her a confident grin "I'm coming back you know, you can't get rid of me that easily." Suddenly, Kurenai hugged her. Anko blinked at the mass of hair in her face and stiffened at the unexpected contact. Slowly, she relaxed. "Don't worry, I'll make sure the kids come back in one piece" she reassured. They both knew there would be nothing she could do.


	14. A Beginning

Team Not Dead's departure from Konoha was reminiscent of a funeral march. Where brash, excited genin usually stood, here there were three children uncomfortably and completely aware of their own mortality. One of them flipped off the Hokage Tower and no one bothered to argue.

Kurenai mothered. Anko looked grim. Kano stood proud to Naoe but her anger and fear were poorly veiled. Aburame Shinju hugged her daughter tight. Shima's father was late back from a mission and wasn't there. Sakura showed up 20 min late side by side with Kakashi and neither said a word. It was difficult for the adults to be proud of the kids when this scene reminded them so much of the last war. It was hard for the kids to be excited when they knew their lives were being thrown away because leaders of their village considered them inconvenient.

"Ranka!" Anko yelled when she saw him approaching the group. "The hell are you doing here?"

Shima grabbed her teammates. "He's the one who hugged Anko at the patrol base" she whispered. Naoe flinched at the reminder that Anko has feelings.

"I thought you said that was a dream!" Sakura hissed.

Ranka explained that he had been assigned as the official diplomat to Kiri for the duration of the Chunin Exams. Naturally, this was met with suspicion.

"Haven't you tortured Kiri nin before?" Naoe snarked (the man does work in TI).

"Are you just following Anko through whatever hell she throws herself into? Like a masochist?" Sakura questioned. Anko perked up at that.

"Oh? Why do you think that _Sakura_?"

Sakura took a step back. Thankfully, Shima had her back.

"He has already thrown himself into many types of hell to be near you. Your mere presence, TI, _patrol duty_ , and now Kiri!? There seems to be a pattern."

Anko nodded sagely, "I do seem to have that effect on people. My charm, my sexy allure-"

"You're homicidal tendencies" Naoe interrupted.

"-have trapped many young men and women in this past."

The current young man in question simply stared at the ground to avoid eye contact and didn't even try to defend himself. Anko cackled. And with that, Team Not Dead set out for Kiri, leaving Ranka to follow at a distance in a cloud of depression.

It soon became apparent that Ranka hadn't grasped Team Not Dead's hatred of the situation. In fact, he was trying to make small talk.

"So! Um, how are you guys feeling about your first Chunin Exams? Nervous?" He started.

The team exchanged a Look. Even Anko knew that was a stupid question. However, Ranka was unaffected by the silence.

"What? Nothing? No boasting that you're gonna crush the competition? Where's your confidence?"

"Oh we're confident all right" Naoe muttered.

"Yeah?" Ranka brightened.

"Confident we're gonna die." Shima and Sakura cut him off in deadpan unison.

Ranka stopped talking.

They reached the Land of Noodles by mid afternoon and the coast closest to the Land of Water (the end of the peninsula) by one in the morning. They stayed the night in a hotel (with watches of course). They had a boat to catch in the morning. Their trip had been completely uneventful, there weren't even bandits. The Chunin Exams were going to be their first real combat experience.

\- - -Takeshi- - -

Meanwhile, in his cell, Tsukoru Takeshi was going insane. The isolation and sensory deprivation had left him alone with his demons. Sometimes it was so bad he wanted to hurt himself, sometimes he did. His depression, mixed with his developing pneumonia and alcohol withdrawal left him gaunt and frail, with coughs that shook his whole body.

Then the door opened. No fanfare, no light, just a shift in the air and the feeling of a human presence. Takeshi almost cried in relief. He listened as quiet, measured footsteps approached his prone form. He tensed, waiting. Then the person spoke. Their quiet voice barely a whisper filling the room and drenching his soul with fear.

"My my Takeshi chaaan, you've disappointed me." Orochimaru hissed, looking down on his old subordinate.


	15. Into the Mist

**AN: I'd just like to do a quick shoutout to 'Prince' who's comment "** SUCK IT TAKESHI. YOU DESERVE GUILT AND NOTHING MORE **" makes me laugh so hard and is the main reason this story is no longer on Hiatus.**

The team was up and out of the hotel and heading for the boat by 0700 after a quick breakfast and a small scuffle for the bathroom. The "boat" they commissioned was probably older than the Hokage. The swollen and warped decks had green mold in the gaps and the mast was crooked. It was a fishing boat that had been passed through the generations. There were scrapes and gouges and traces of fish blood on the back deck where the nets were cast out and dragged back in. (Un)Fortunately, Anko wasn't one to let any free time go to waste and used the 7 hour trip to finally teach the kids water walking.

Naoe sputtered, fighting his way to the ocean surface after being dunked... again. Since the boat couldn't stop and the kids couldn't run (or even walk) yet, Anko and Ranka plucked them out of the water when they fell behind and _thew_ them forward. It had been 2 hours and while they could drag themselves out of the water onto all fours and even manage a stumbling jog (they were all very good at chakra control), none of them had escaped being dunked.

After 5 hours, Anko declared them passable and left them to dry off and get changed. Sakura flopped miserably to the deck and passed out, her chakra too drained to attend to the various cuts and bruises she and her teammates had accumulated. With her insane chakra control she was the only one who had mastered walking but she was only 9 and her reserves were shallow. Shima was in a similar situation, with her hive devouring most of her chakra. Naoe had the most chakra but his control was sloppier than the girl's and he had wasted some in frustration or distraction.

The boat captain thought they were absolutely insane.

_KONOHA_

tap. . . tap. . . tap. . .

Hiruzen sighed at his old teammate's dramatics. The war hawk didn't even need a cane that much and he could move with more stealth than most of the ANBU when he wanted to. When Danzo swept into the Hokage's office he seemed to suck some of the life out of it with his overbearing and pessimistic personality. His one good eye gazed down at the Hokage but didn't hint at his distaste. He waited. Hiruzen continued working on his paperwork. The minutes ticked by.

"Danzo" Hiruzen finally acknowledged "to what do I owe this pleasure?" They both knew Danzo didn't take social calls.

He also hated wasting time with pleasantries. "Are you unaware of the _spy_ in your ranks Hiruzen? Or has your naivety blinded you?" Danzo accused without preamble, fully conscience of his disrespect.

"Which spy Danzo? I seem to remember quite a few...and hardly an adult among them." Hiruzen was, of course, referencing ROOT (which he highly doubted had been fully disbanded despite his orders).

Danzo didn't flinch. "The Haruno brat, and her foreigner teammates while we're at it. Oh! And let's not forget Orochimaru's pet, I hear she's quite...eccentric." That garnered a reaction. Hiruzen's face hardened and his eyes flashed in anger.

"Shima's mother is a loyal Konoha shinobi and Shima herself is born and raised in Konoha. Naoe has no foreign blood and his cousin, like Shima, was born and raised here. They are _loyal_ Konoha citizens." Hiruzen leaned forward as if to put more force in his argument. Suddenly, he looked every bit his age. "And we both know how much Anko was hurt and betrayed by Orochimaru, and her hatred for him." His eyes became distant as he revisited those painful memories.

"I hear hatred stems from love." Danzo took a vicious delight in how Hiruzen's face spasmed for a millisecond with a myriad of emotions. "And what of Haruno? I didn't hear any pretty words to defend _her_. Because you can't. You know nothing about her except that she's running away from something. Another child prodigy with something to hide and an emotionally difficult childhood, that combination has a history of backfiring."

Hiruzen took a deep breath as he acknowledged Danzo's accusations. The man was right. Not only was Sakura suspicious (and dangerous),from a certain point of view so was the entire team. If they returned alive from the Chunin Exams...something would have to be done.

_KIRI_

Sakura loved the city at first sight. The heavy mist blanketing the gray streets seemed to invite her in. She could easily imagine sinking into the vapors and shadows and menacing atmosphere and simply disappear. This place was different than Konoha, who's bright colors and cheery markets seemed to taunt her and the hell she had lived in as Izumi and the fear she always felt as Sakura. In comparison, this place seemed more...honest.

"Come on! Let's go! Let's go let's go!" Sakura practically dragged her team off the ancient fishing boat the moment it reached the docks, her previous exhaustion forgotten. Naoe and Shima followed much less enthusiastically and obviously intimidated by the monochrome city filled with citizens who would rather glare than spare a "good morning."

"Find me by 8 if you want dinner!" Anko yelled after them, fully confident in their ability to track her in any situation.

The genin disappeared, swallowed by the mist. Ranka looked at Anko, then back at the city, then at Anko. He was visibly worried.

"Shouldn't...shouldn't we stick close to them? I mean this place-"

"Quit your blubbering Ranka." Anko cut him off as she hefted her pack and set off. "If they can survive the Forest of Death for a week and a half with literally just the clothes on their backs, they'll be fine here for a few hours." She paused, scared, for a second when she finished, remembering that the Forest of Death incident wasn't exactly public knowledge and had kinda been a major low point in student-teacher relations.

"Come along! We have important people to meet!" She changed the topic and ran off before Ranka could start asking questions. He narrowed his eyes and ran after her.


	16. It's all Orochimaru's fault

_KIRI_

Compared to Konoha, Kiri's streets were nearly deserted. Kids, street rats and urchins, darted past in small gangs, giving any shinobi a wide berth. You could tell how strong a shinobi considered themselves by how close to the middle of the road they walked. Any chatter was conducted in low tones and everyone moved quickly. Team Not Dead stuck out like a sore thumb. Sakura was incredibly grateful she'd traded her red shirt for a long-sleeved dark green one and a light grey vest. Shima's kid-sized black trench coat was a bit strange but fit right in. Naoe however, wedged himself between the girls self-consciously as if that would hide his sky blue hoodie.

Naoe broke the silence first. "So…what was your plan when you dragged us into the middle of the most anti-Konoha village in the world second to Iwa?"

Sakura considered his question. She weighed her words, considering the strange feeling of belonging she felt in this gloomy place.

"I felt like it." Naoe's eye twitched.

"You are aware you have placed your entire team in danger with your reckless and impulsive actions?" Shima, likewise, was not amused.

"Oh come on guys!" Sakura defended herself "This isn't _that_ bad! It's actually a lot like the seedy part of Konoha's red light district...except less drugs…" Somehow, this didn't reassure her teammates.

Naoe looked at her suspiciously. "How the hell do you-?" "The _seedy_ _part_ of the red light district?" Shima cut him off, concern clear in her voice.

"Oh yeah! You said your mother was part of the red light district!" Naoe remembered, mentally reassessing how much shit his teammate had seen in her short life.

"My question still stands." Shima cut in. Sakura looked guiltily at the ground and decided it would be best to avoid the topic altogether.

"Who wants to find a weapons shop huh? I do!" She ran off forcing her teammates to, once again, follow her deeper into the village.

* * *

_OROCHIMARU_

Takeshi _screamed_. He couldn't see. He couldn't hear. He couldn't move. He could only feel the pain. He didn't even know what Orochimaru was doing to him. If it was experiments, Takeshi knew he would be lucky to die.

The next time Takeshi was fully aware of his surroundings, his hands were chained and attached to a metal collar around his neck as he sat on a metal table in Orochimaru's lab. The mad scientist in question was busy distilling a silvery liquid and monitoring its reactions with a variety of substances. The soft clinking of vials and swish of robes was the only sound.

"Why?" Takeshi croaked out, his voice raw and damaged from screaming. The silence stretched on as Orochimaru finished up his work.

"Why what Takeshi-kun? I'm afraid you'll have to speak up." Orochimaru eyed his captive with amusement.

"Why...am I here...again? I thought I...was a failed...experiment." Takeshi spat the word "experiment" like it was poison on his tongue.

"Yess, I was quite...disappointed, with that failure." Orochimaru admitted "But what confuses _me_ is how you managed to remain an active duty chunin despite the extreme damage to your hormones, nerve receptors, and mental state."

Takeshi averted his eyes.

"Ohhh" Orochimaru breathed, realization twisting his face into a mocking smile. "You didn't tell them." His laugh was harsh and Takeshi couldn't help but flinch.

"So that day, the day that my lab was raided and I was banished, when I lost _everything_ … You slipped away into the shadows, used the fake long-term mission I created, and you went about your life as if _everything was okay_." His voice was mocking and accusatory, as if it was an insult for people to escape his clutches.

"STOP IT! I was _fine_!" Takeshi's face was red with anger and shame "The experiment...didn't work, and my missions...were unaffected! I didn't _need_...to tell anyone." His voice was shaking and his breathing ragged after his outburst. Orochimaru however, just smiled condescendingly.

"Tell me, did your friends even realize you'd changed?"

* * *

_KIRI_

Unsurprisingly, the weapons shops the kids had managed to find had been extremely hostile towards Konoha shinobi. After being kicked out of two and then being harassed by a fish merchant, Shima suggested searching for a training ground instead. And that's how the trio wound up soaked, muddy, and smelling of fish as they water-walked across a swamp carrying a few batches of (stolen) kunai, wire, and blank sealing tags.

"By the Log Naoe, what were you thinking pissing off a fisherman like that? Those guys are older than the sea and not afraid to die." Sakura whined.

"What was **I** thinking?! Who was it that set off a smoke bomb in a shop because they were called 'puny' and 'naive'?" Naoe rebuked.

"Hey! I saw you pinch some kunai! This isn't all on me!"

"We all pinched some stuff." Shima cut in "But seeing as how I don't want to get arrested in Kiri of all places, I left some money to pay." That silenced the team for a moment.

"Damn, I love my team" Sakura sighed. Naoe rolled his eyes.

"It is nice to see that there's at least one of us using their head at any point in time." He agreed.

Shima rubbed her forehead; she couldn't wait for her turn to be over.

After continuing in silence a little longer, they finally found a training ground. It was already occupied by what looked like a newly formed team of Kiri genin. Team Not Dead grinned and settled in to observe the competition. The Kiri team were squared off on a small patch of relatively high ground amidst the swamp. A shy-looking guy around 11 with blue/grey hair clutched a standard issue katana and faced his teammates 1 on 2. A girl around 13 with long black hair wielded a kunai in each hand and had two weapons pouches around her waist stood slightly to the side, ready to defend from either teammate. The last boy looked around 15, cocky, with dark grey hair and an ugly scar over his left arm (probably fire jutsu). He was already flipping through hand signs. Just as he was about to release his jutsu, blue hair sprung forward and slashed at the older boy with surprising ferocity. Grey hair's jutsu broke and he dodged to the side, pulling out a tanto. Blue spun to deflect the kunai the girl threw at his back with his katana before once again springing at Grey.

Team Not Dead watched the entire spar from their hiding place, taking care mental note. They learned blue's name is Chojuro, the girl's is Rei, and the older boy's is Jun. Chojuro is socially awkward and quiet with low self-esteem but a strong, determined fighter. Rei is cold socially and harsh with her team and fought with a kind of desperation Team Not Dead recognized all too well. Jun was cocky and obviously specialized in jutsu, he certainly had the chakra for it. Apparently this would be his second chunin exams and his scarred arm was the result of a fire attack by a konoha team in his previous one. He also flirted with Rei a lot, something she _did not_ appreciate, which led her to cutting practice short and disappearing into the marsh. Jun's loud mouth also confirmed that they would be competing in the exams and that he "can't wait to make those Konoha weaklings regret ever thinking they could compete with _real_ shinobi." What an asshole.

Team Not Dead snuck off shortly after, it was nearly 8 and they needed to find Anko if they wanted dinner. They would have to use the rest of their time until the exams gathering as much info on the rest of their competition as they could.


	17. The Sharkman

_KIRI_

This village was already stressing Ranka out. The hushed conversations, surreptitious meetings, and furtive looks made him feel like a spy deep in enemy territory. The fact that he was traveling with what-the-hell-is-subtlety Anko did not help things. To top that off, the kids had been gone for hours and just because Anko wasn't worried about what might happen to them in this hostile, shadowy place didn't mean _he_ wasn't.

"Oh come on Ranka, relaaaax. They'll be _fine_. It takes more than a giant intimidating village on the brink of civil war to make those kids miss a meal. It's almost 8, we'll see them within half an hour." Anko still wasn't very good at reassuring people but she was doing her best.

Ranka sighed and smoothed out his bandana. "You can't blame me for worrying Anko, didn't you see the smoke in the weapons district earlier? There are obvious signs of violence all over the place."

Anko diligently did not mention she had sensed the kids' chakra all over that particular shop. She was also careful not to share her suspicion that that particular violence had been the kid's fault.

"Yeah whatever, come on, if we don't hurry we're going to miss our 9 o'clock reservation at the restaurant. There's not many good places to eat here so if we miss it we're gonna have some fat ass from Iwa stealing our spot." They were heading to one of the better restaurants in town. It was a favorite for liaisons and diplomats due to its wide variety of food, with styles from all over the continent. There was only one like it in Kiri due to the poor economy and rampant strife so reservations were treated like gold. It was either that, or fish.

The Blue Lantern wasn't the fanciest place Anko had dined in but it was classy. Dark wood furniture, private booths, dimmed lights, and quality barbecue; she loved it. What she _didn't_ love was how her reservation for five was only serving two people.

"Where the hell are those brats?" she muttered, checking her watch for the twentieth time. She and Ranka had already ordered food (for two) and still the kids hadn't shown up.

"Maybe they just couldn't find you?" Ranka suggested, trying to reassure her even though he was had been nagging her about them for over five hours now.

"Haha, I don't think they've gone a single moment in the last month unaware of my exact location. I haven't been able to sneak up on them in ages." Now Ranka was the sceptic one.

"You haven't been able to sneak up on them? You're a special jounin. You're as bad as Naruto when it comes to sneaking up on and pranking the ANBU. I didn't know this was a team completely made up of genius sensors."

"I didn't say _other_ people couldn't sneak up on them, just that _I_ can't. I did a bit too much stealth and sneak attack training and traumatised them a bit. To spite me and to satisfy their newly-formed paranoia, they are constantly aware of my chakra signature, I've probably been permanently marked by Shima's kikaichu, and there's a strong chance they've experimented with fuinjutsu tracking on me." Anko somehow managed to look proud, guilty, and worried at the same time. Ranka, knowing Anko, knew that she spoke in understatements and was suddenly much more worried about the kids than he had been earlier. A tense silence reigned.

When their food finally came it was a bit past ten. Anko stared at the steaming plates, her stomach growled and she winced. Abruptly, she stood.

"Come on, we have some brats to find." Her face was determined. Ranka glanced between her and the plates then scrambled out of the booth.

"Okay, yeah let's go!" He got as far as the door before he realized Anko wasn't with him. Confused, he looked back at the booth only to see her staring down at her food with a lost look.

"Anko?"

Almost faster than he could see, she snatched the food, dumped each plate into a travel bowl (collapsable and light-weight) and appeared by his side, steam still wafting from her noodles.

" **Now** we can go."

* * *

_KONOHA_

Hiruzen was having problems. Two shinobi were missing; snatched from their missions near or in Water Country nearly three weeks ago. Some on the council suspected Kiri or the bands of ninja roaming Ame, others worried the bounty on Konoha shinobi had been raised. Tsukoru Takeshi and Aburame Shinju had completed their escort duty for a merchant noble returning to Tea country and were likely returning to Konoha when they were intercepted. Shortly afterward, Mizuki (a chunin already under watch due to the suspicious death of a teammate on a past mission) betrayed the village and made off with a scroll of the 2nd Hokage's forbidden techniques. His body was found in the woods a few miles out, his headband slashed and the scroll gone.

And just now Hiruzen had received word that Kurenai, a powerful chunin who could very well become jounin in the next year, had been attacked and disappeared as she and her team returned from assisting the (relatively) new Land of Hotsprings deal with a gang preying on tourists. Her two teammates reported that they had been attacked and separated just as they re-entered Konoha land and could not find her afterward. The attackers had had power but not the skills to match and had made sloppy mistakes. 'Almost like they were given the power rather than training for it' Hiruzen thought. They were Orochimaru's experiments, there was no doubt in his mind. 'But what does he want with Kurenai?'

When Kakashi appeared in the window (much to the annoyance of Hiruzen's ANBU detail) looking grimm, Hiruzen didn't bother being surprised. Kurenai had been a close friend with Anko for years and therefore one of the _very_ small group of people Kakashi talked with regularly. The two men didn't bother with questions or answers, they both knew what Kakashi was here for.

"Ah, I was here to pick up some vacation time Hokage-sama" Kakashi eye smiled and reclined on the window sill.

"I'm afraid we don't have anything but outdated info on Orochimaru's bases or whereabouts." Hiruzen cut the crap, mirroring Kakashi's casual tone.

"Ma, we don't need any bells and whistles for this Hokage-sama. The Chunin Exams are in Kiri and Orochimaru can never resist such prime hunting ground."

"To Kiri then." Hiruzen agreed "Would you like to take Gai as well? It looks like he's in need of some vacation time."

Kakashi sighed, likely at the thought of being challenged 24/7 for however long this took, then nodded and soundlessly slipped out the window, his business concluded. Hiruzen closed his eyes to stave off the feeling of impending disaster and started filling out the paperwork for 2 months paid vacation for two of his best.

* * *

_KIRI_

Kiri's streets were practically bustling (by Kiri standards). The flow of shinobi, street rats, merchants, and peasants alike pulsed like blood under the red lanterns. Women and men advertised their bodies and their houses on street corners and doorsteps. Children, androgynous with mud, ran messages and scrambled for coin on the cobblestones. It was the most alive the three small Konoha genin in disguise as more street urchins running through the street had ever seen Kiri. Unfortunately, they couldn't spare the time to properly gape. They were on a mission. A serious mission. An **important** mission. _Revenge_.

"I can't believe that stupid shark dude told us we'd be better off commiting suicide rather than competing in the exams" Sakura hissed. Her breath visible on the air.

"To be fair" Shima huddled into the tattered clothes she had chosen as her disguise "we've known _that_ since our first day with Anko."

"We still have to kill her you know" Naoe had absolutely _no plans_ of letting go of his grudge. This whole 'follow the shark dude who's also a jonin who could probably hear their heartbeats' thing was mostly his idea too. Naoe's thirst for revenge was a bit worrying actually but his teammates indulged him anyway.

Shima shot them a pointed look. "In all likelihood, him throwing Sakura into the water when she claimed she could waterwalk and then throwing Naoe at her when she managed to catch herself was a greater misdeed than his childish insults."

"I'm _still_ cold from that." Naoe muttered.

"Well damn Naoe, I can't help it if you can't manage something as simple as _water walking_ " Sakura teased.

"Ha. Ha. I distinctly remember _you_ getting smashed flat cause you couldn't dodge for shit." Naoe rebuked.

"I distinctly remember staying warm and dry, tagging him, _and_ fishing you two out of the water." Shima smirked down at them from her 5' 2" of haha-I'm-the-oldest-and-Naoe-is-short-for-his-age. A truly aggravating sight.

Back to the mission, they had all latched onto shark man's chakra to track him and would fall back on Shima's bug in case that failed them. The target was currently meandering around and bickering with some of the women but the team could tell he wasn't interested in what they were selling.

"Maybe he knows we're here and is wandering in the most dangerous district in the middle of the night so we don't learn anything about him and he can corner us in an alley and slit our throats and people will say it was our faults because we were stupid enough to be here." The other two actually had to stop and stare at their muddied and no-longer-pink-haired teammate.

"As a Yamanaka, it is my professional opinion that you have serious mental issues due to constantly staring into the face of death from a very young age-" "I'm still a very young age Naoe" "-...and it's not going to get better." "Thanks."

"He is right Sakura. You are not so much suicidal as you are totally accustomed to imminent death." Shima actually sounded concerned, isn't she the sweetest.

All three froze as the shark dude's chakra suddenly vanished from the radar.

"Is he dead?" Naoe's voice cracked and he was almost thankful he was in this weird, dangerous situation because otherwise he would have gotten teased mercilessly for that.

"He can't be, it didn't fluctuate any like it would if he had fought someone or been surprised…" Sakura trailed off, staring in the direction she had last sensed him (they had stayed out of a line of sight for nearly the entire time they followed him).

"It didn't fade like it would if he had died. He must be using a chakra blocker." Shima confirmed. "My kikaichu still has the scent but we must proceed with caution, he is actively hiding now."

The three nodded grimmly and set off, no longer focused on their childish mission but with a new goal, to find out what the sharkman is hiding.

Half an hour later, they were skulking in an alleyway pretending to loot the garbage as they kept an eye on the crumbling warehouse they had tracked sharkman to. They knew he was hiding something. He had used a coded knock and everything. They just didn't know how to get in. After covertly circling the place, the three were peering through chinks in the wall where the wooden boards had gotten loose. They could barely make out three people in the gloom but there could have been more hiding in the crates. Shima sent in some bugs to tag them and check for others. It was, strangely enough, pretty boring for Team Not Dead. Despite the potential danger they were in, they had been crawling around in the mud and cold in assorted rags they had stolen for hours and now they couldn't even hear what their target was saying. It was frustrating.

Sakura was the first to crack. "What if-" "Shhh!" Naoe glared at her, just daring her to ruin this thing for him. She rolled her eyes in response but shut up.

More time passed and they all took great care when shifting or moving around so as to make as little sound as possible. They had a tense moment when Shima's elbow bumped against a nearby crate and they froze like dear. But nothing happened. They were immersed in the dark grey gloom of a foggy night.

"What-"

Three dirty faces swiveled instantly to stare down the intruder, a pre-teen in threadbare civilian clothes standing in the entrance of the alley.

"-are you doing here?" the boy finished flatly, his dead black eyes looking down on them.


	18. Cat and Mouse

_"What-"_

 _Three dirty faces swiveled instantly to stare down the intruder, a pre-teen in threadbare civilian clothes standing in the entrance of the alley._

 _"-are you doing here?" the boy finished flatly, his dead black eyes looking down on them._

* * *

Sakura was so surprised she had to actually force her body not to shift. It had been doing that lately, probably the stress. But back to the more pressing matter, this kid had snuck up on ALL of them which meant they DEFINITELY weren't civilian like their clothing suggested. They looked the right age to be a genin but that meant jack shit.

"We're trying to get some sleep dumbass. The hell? You think we cuddle up in dark alleys for the heck of it? Fuck off." Fortunately, Izumi had spent a lot of time in Konoha's underworld when they were avoiding their house so they broke out of their shock fast and stayed in character.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to find a new place to bed down." The intruder at least looked sympathetic.

"Nu-uh, squatters rights." Naoe chimed in.

"I wasn't asking." Senbon flashed into each hand and the civilian facade slipped away.

Team Not Dead bolted.

It wasn't even dignified, like ANBU just blurring out of existence. Oh no. They had agreed before to hide their skills until the last possible moment, which was basically whenever they were about to die. Also, they still had a chance of passing off as civilians. So they scrambled, and slipped, and yelped, and ran at what felt like an excruciatingly slow pace out the other end of the alley, slid past the corner, turned right, and kept going.

Sakura took this moment to prepare. She started shifting, becoming male, orange eyes, a tiny bit taller, a more oval face, fat proportioned to look a little starved, black hair, and lighter skin. Since "he" was still under the genjutsu, this went unnoticed but would be vital if "he" was captured.

"They're in pursuit." Shima's voice was hard with forced calm.

"I call bait."

"Sakura NO. We only do bait with people that **won't** kill us." Naoe looked more pissed than scared.

"I've got an ace up my sleeve _which I'll tell you about later_. Anyway, they're gonna go for interrogation first which will give you time to get me. The important thing is that they don't find out where we're from. Now GO!"

The thing is, you might expect this team of litteral children to be more... _Naruto like_. But the big, whopping difference between them and that little ray of ADHD ray of sunshine is that Team Not Dead _actually trusts each other_. They know they're facing at least one jounin but probably three. They know the kid in the alley is probably chunin level. _And_ they still want to gather info on the group, and what better time to gather info on your opponent than when your opponent thinks they hold all the cards? So the kids split.

In the millisecond when the flash bang went off, all three of them locked down their chakra even more than it had been, to a point where it was almost unhealthy. When the smoke bomb went off immediately after, they put their plan into motion.

\- **Sharkman** -

"We NEED a better strategy!" I was nearly yelling now, fed up with the micro-plays and long term strategies that wouldn't amount to anything because they weren't nearly enough.

"We can't DO anything Zabuza! We're lucky enough to have ONE genin team competing and some people positioned throughout the exam." Mei was right, as usual, but that only made me more frustrated. Something needed to change if we ever wanted to change the village. The exams were basically a chess game between the rebels and the village, a power play. The Kiri teams inevitably stood for one side or the other and whoever made it out alive or even promoted would tip the scales just a little bit one way or the other.

Ao just stood there. He had already said his piece and was just waiting for me to grudgingly agree like we all knew I had to so that we could leave. This meeting was really just to share info on the genin teams that had arrived and discuss any small changes. There hadn't been any that really stood out from the usual crops. There were arrogant ones, scared ones, career genins who just didn't know it yet, young ones, hopeful ones. There were close-knit teams and complete strangers, bullied ones and stupid ones. They were so green it hurt. So naive without even knowing it. Well, that one Konoha team had at least known they were naive. They also knew they were going to die. It was a bit concerning actually. Whatever.

"Look Zabuza, I know you are frustrated and angry but I need you to pull yourself through this." Mei dropped her Leader-of-the-Resistance role and addressed him as the long-term acquaintance (friend) she was.

"I'm. Fine." I did **not** want to talk about it.

"Look, Arata is **gone** and-"

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIM." Of course Arata was gone, everyone dies here, that's why the resistance is working so hard to change Kiri. Arata, with his stupidly hopeful name (fresh, new) and his stupid green eyes, was the only other one who had known about Haku's blood limit.

"Whatever, I agree to your plan. Now let's-" Haku pulsed his chakra from outside, signaling an intruder "-we've got company." I vanished, grateful for the distraction.

The kids, and it was very obviously kids judging by their size and disorganized retreat, were already turning the corner out of the alleyway. I turned to Haku.

"Report"

"Three children, apparently street urchins claiming to have been sleeping here, at least one male and one female. They likely are no higher than chunin if they are shinobi at all. They ran when they saw my senbon." Haku dutifully reported. I turned to Ao and Mei.

"Catch and retrieve, we can interrogate them at my place." And then we were off.

Right into a flash bomb.

I hissed, blinded. 'Well they sure aren't civilian' I thought as I closed my, now useless, eyes and fell back on my hidden mist training. 'There!' One of the brats was already on top of the nearest building and booking it back towards the inner city.

"I call the one on the roof! Haku with me."

The kid was moving faster than I had expected, high chunin level, but they wouldn't be able to maintain it and soon fall to exhaustion. Child's play.

\- **Naoe and Shima** -

Obviously, there was no way they would be able to outrun jounin so the moment the flash bomb went off, Naoe and Shima henged into a rat and a mosquito respectively. With their chakra so compressed they at least had a chance of hiding in plain sight. Make it look like they just vanished while quietly making their way back to relative safety. With Sakura running their pursuers would likely assume they had all bolted and it would be longer before they became suspicious. Of course, there's a reason shinobi don't usually henge into small things and never things smaller than your hand. The control itself is incredibly straining but the chakra drain makes it nearly useless. They could probably hold their forms for 4 min tops before they passed out or damaged their chakra systems.

Fortunately, the warehouse was right next to the docks. It had probably been used to store parts and supplies for fishing companies. So, as un-noticeably as possible, they made their way to the water's edge as two potential jounin searched for them not 20 feet away. At least they weren't bored anymore.

After nearly a minute and a half of fumbling around in the dark, Naoe jumped into the polluted saltwater with Shima buzzing above him. Thankfully, the morning tide was coming in which meant they had a chance of not being swept out to sea. Paddling with the current, they tried to put as much distance between them and their pursuers as possible in the 2 ½ minutes they had left. There was no sight of the two shadowy figures, which meant nothing but was a good sign nonetheless, so Naoe and Shima heaved themselves out of the drink at a nearby pier. They were both shaking from exhaustion and had no choice but to cancel the henge if they wanted a chance of walking away rather than collapsing in one of the sketchiest parts of Kiri. They had drifted a bit closer to the market area and put some distance between themselves and the scene of the crime but they still had a ways to go before they could let themselves relax.

They had to find Anko.

\- **Izumi** -

'The Sharkman is playing with me.'

I launched myself off another rooftop, pushing myself faster with chakra. I knew it wouldn't be enough. My plan wasn't to escape. But damn, that guy knew some good intimidation techniques. It seemed he focused on feelings of helplessness and impotence. Naoe could probably spend hours picking apart his psyche just from that. He had proven earlier that my speed was no match for him and he used his partner, the kid from the alley, to pepper me with senbon in non-vital areas. Cat and mouse. Except the mouse was wearing a leash and running around the cat's personal hunting grounds.

In the few moments of freedom I had left, I shifted my voice box to render myself mute. This wouldn't be a big hindrance for me seeing as how I could already do substitution, henge, and clone jutsus silently and without seals. Also, I didn't really know any other jutsu except some medical ones that were just chakra manipulation and therefore didn't require my voice either. But it would make things harder for them when the interrogation began and also effectively eliminate everyone who could speak as a suspect later.

A senbon drove itself through my kneecap and I dropped like a stone, my henge flickering out to "reveal" my latest alias. Without hesitation, I yanked the senbon out and leapt up again-

-only to feel the cold steel of Sharkman's sword on my throat. I felt the pinch of a senbon on my neck and then nothing.


	19. Taunts and Torture

_TAKESHI_

Takeshi was being dragged around like a pet on a leash, literally. Another sharp tug on the chakra-suppressant chain wrapped around his neck forced him to stumble further down the corridor of cells. The 29 year-old was barefoot and the remains of his uniform were becoming baggy on his starved form.

"And here are the cells, full of various stages of experiments and torture. But of course you remember don't you? You used to carry the keys." Orochimaru did _not_ abide by traitors Takeshi had skipped out on his punishment for nearly 11 years now.

Takeshi remained silent. Orochimaru was giving him a 'tour', showing him all the people he had betrayed, Konoha and old coworkers alike.

"Why aren't you just killing me? What experiments could possibly work on me now? I'm too old for genetic or chakra system manipulations." Takeshi was terrified. He had been in Orochimaru's clutches for what must be weeks now but he was still mostly intact and that could only mean something worse than simple torture was reserved for him.

"Yess, you _are_ too old. Which means that these will cripple you. They'll mutate you. They'll rob you of your self-control. They'll turn you into a pathetic, whimpering, monster. Just like you are on the inside." Orochimaru still wasn't facing him but Takeshi could hear the anticipation and judgment in his voice.

This time, when Orochimaru yanked on the leash, Takeshi couldn't stumble after it. The fear and understanding had frozen his limbs and left a thousand needles in his guts. He fell. Swaying to the side and toppling against the bars of a nearby cell, he lay in a shivering heap, wishing for death. Something cold and rough touched the back of his neck where it was exposed to the cell. Slowly, as if every muscle in him feared to look, Takeshi turned his head… and then he _screamed_.

The mutated thing rasped and hissed as it threw itself back into the shadows of the cell and Orochimaru's cruel laughter snaked through the air. Takeshi kept screaming.

* * *

_KIRI_

Zabuza was _pissed_. This, this _fucking brat_ was _laughing_ at him. LAUGHING. Silently. With occasional gross gasps and shrieks, but it was most definitely laughter. The kid was mute, obviously, and was currently hogtied in chakra suppressant chains as the result of their recent escape attempt. Zabuza and Haku had learned the hard way that this kid didn't need hand signs for the substitution jutsu and he had proved his skill by replacing himself with Haku and leaving the two in an awkward heap as he used the jutsu to 'jump' away.

He had been provided with paper and a pen, despite the risks, and told to write down information. The creepy little orange-eyed brat had responded by making cartoon versions of Zabuza and Haku, as if this was a just a bloody _game_ instead of an _interrogation_. Cute little scenes too; shopping, Haku cooking and Zabuza trying to steal ingredients, Haku tying his hair up while Zabuza sleepily makes coffee. Daily, happy little scenes that mocked him, that mocked all of Kiri really. That's when the laughing had started.

Zabuza's hand snapped out, faster than the eye could see. With a CRACK, the kid's head snapped to the side, red already blooming across half his face from the vicious backhand. The laughing stopped. His eyes seemed to focus on his situation, and Zabuza, for the first time since his capture. Blood trickled from his split lip, contrasting his pale skin. He leaned forward over the table, slow and controlled, and grinned a bloody grin. He wrote a single sentence on the paper without breaking eye contact and slid it over. There was a challenge in his eyes.

-My Dad Hits Harder Than That-

* * *

Haku was standing watch. It had been at least an hour since he and Zabuza had captured the boy but Ao and Mei had yet to meet up. Perhaps they hadn't been able to find the other two? Or maybe they had been delayed by official business? Regardless, the child they _had_ captured hadn't been cooperative in what was likely a bid to buy time.

After another hour, the other two leaders of the resistance returned. Empty handed. Mei looked pissed and Ao was withdrawn.

"Haku! Did you and Zabuza have better luck with the third brat? I don't know how but those kids just vanished after that smoke bomb went off."

"Yes Mei-sama, Zabuza-sama is interrogating him now. We have learned that he is likely 11-13 years old, can perform basic jutsu without handsigns, mute, and has likely suffered domestic abuse."

Mei looked pensive, it was rare to see young shinobi with disabilities but if the kid could do jutsu without handsigns (a relatively advanced skill), then doing them nonverbally probably didn't even slow him down. Domestic abuse however, wasn't exactly rare and wouldn't really help them narrow down the kids identity.

"Let's leave Zabuza as the only interrogator then, if he's aiming to buy time for his teammates we don't want to just hand him info by walking in there. Ao, take over watch for a bit. I'm heading out for now, I have an early morning meeting and I _desperately_ need a shower before that." Ao sighed as he remembered everything _he_ needed to do tomorrow.

"The escape attempt will likely be within the next 24 hours, I'll update you at lunch." After a sharp nod of acknowledgement, Mei vanished.

* * *

"Aren't we… aren't we supposed to be looking for the kids?" Ranka asked. He glanced around at the apparently random street they were strolling down. Anko had finished her noodles half an hour ago and had been leading around the town aimlessly since then.

"The thing you don't understand about my little bastards Ranka, is that they are _very_ good at about four things and number one on that list is hiding from me." Anko could feel her patience with the night's events waning already, if the kids didn't show up before she ran out of pocky there would be trouble.

"What are the other things?" Ranka decided it wouldn't be good to ask why the kids were so hypersensitive about their sensei.

"#2 is survival, #3 is teamwork and #4 is being dramatic." Ranka remembered when he first met them, during their ambush of his outpost, and fully agreed with the "dramatic" part.

"Okayyy, so if we can't _find_ them… are you waiting for them to find _us_?"

"Got it in one! We've been walking around the village so that no matter where they are, we'll be within range of their senses at least once. Of course, if they're already dead or unconscious or, even more alarming, _actually want me to find them_ I'll be able to sense them."

"How is them wanting you to find them more alarming than them being dead?"

"They're just dramatic like that."

That had been _hours_ ago and Anko was grinding her teeth in frustration and anger. Her pocky stash was a distant dream, she was _tired_ , and she'd already walked around the entire log-damned village FOUR TIMES. Thankfully, she knew none of the kids were dead because she had tagged them with vitals-monitoring seals like what medic-nins use only modified for long distance. But, without that fear crushing her, all that was left was annoyance. But she kept walking. She knew her kids had probably found the most dangerous, convoluted, carefully hidden, or some combination of all three situation possible and dove right in. Shoot, she wouldn't put it past them to have just _stumbled_ on information that spys could spend years searching for. So she walked.

When two of the dirtiest and most pathetic street urchins she had ever seen crawled out of an alley only to reveal themselves as two of her wayward students, she almost felt pride at their capacity for disguise. Almost.

"Where the FUCK WERE YOU?! I DISTINCTLY remember saying EIGHT O'CLOCK, does this _look_ like motherfucking EIGHT O'CLOCK?!" She saw Ranka rear back, her outburst completely taking him by surprise. He glanced between her and the pair, confusion written across his face.

"Well I'm _sorry_ we missed our _team bonding dinner_ sensei. We were kinda preoccupied." Naoe snapped back, exhaustion fraying his patience even more than Anko's. Ranka's confusion cleared as he realized that these were in fact, the kids they had been looking for.

"We discovered a covert meeting between three Kiri jounin in an abandoned shipyard warehouse past the red light district but we in turn were discovered by a fourth, chunin level, accomplis." Shima cut straight to the point.

"Then where's Sakura?" Ranka's question brought a momentary hush over the group.

" **Well?** " Anko growled.

"She uh… well you see, she sounded really confident in her ability to not die and we were kinda in a hurry so-"

"She played bait, was most likely captured and is probably being interrogated at the moment." Shima cut off Naoe's rambling.

Anko only hoped Konoha would explode so she wouldn't have to include this in her report upon her return. Sure, she had known they were going to do something incredibly stupid but _this_? What could you even call this? She was so confused she wasn't even that angry anymore.

"...and _how exactly_ did you discover this clandestine and ultimately disastrous meeting?" She already dreaded the answer.

"A sharkman threw Sakura in the harbour then threw Naoe at her when she didn't sink. We followed him because Naoe wanted to prank him as revenge." Shima once again summed up all the relevant facts in such a way that you felt like they should make perfect sense but they simply left you more confused.

"Ahhh what _ever_ " Anko pinched her nose "let's go, we've got a stupid genin to rescue from a sharkman. Why doesn't anything ever _make sense_ with you guys?"


	20. Ice and Fire

_KIRI_

Izumi was drenched and shivering. Frost patterns swirled over his arms and face, melting and reforming. The chakra chains bit into his flesh and robbed him of warmth. He had stopped shivering a while ago and was hypothermic. Ice needles floated around him and every time he swayed in chair or slumped from exhaustion they stabbed him. The small wounds bled sluggishly.

Zabuza sat across from the pathetic child, a steaming cup of tea in his hands, watching. He had dumped a bucket of water on him and ordered Haku to keep him chilled. He didn't want to maim the kid, not yet at least, so now they were playing a waiting game.

Meanwhile, Izumi had realized what a horrible, badly thought-out plan this had been. Torture was _painful_. They weren't just smacking him around and getting mad like he had imagined, they were patient. They were calculating. They were in _control_. He could already feel himself mentally regressing, reverting deep into the animalistic do-what-you-have-to-do-to-survive mentality that got him through years of abuse and months as Anko's personal chew toy. It was time to leave.

Izumi had swiped a piece of paper hours earlier when Haku had come in and whispered information to Zabuza. Now that paper was balanced on his knees with a barely legible explosion seal scribbled in blood. Izumi dearly hoped that written seals were anything like the rest of chakra-based practices, where ultimately the intent mattered more than perfection. Izumi had been feeding that sad little bomb with the tiny trickle of chakra the chains allowed him to keep for basic life functions, like body heat. What usually took 5 to 10 seconds to charge had been taxing him for nearly forty minutes and left him cold and weak.

* * *

Anko, Ranka, and Naoe had followed Shima to a housing district, one for small but old clans and wealthy citizens. It was nearly abandoned due to the blood purges and unrest. Once Shima pointed out which house Sakura was being held in Anko took the lead. It didn't take her long to find the lone watchman, nestled in the shadow of a chimney and obscured from sight by genjutsu. Shima sent her bugs to drain him while Anko's snakes staged themselves to bind him.

Naoe took a deep, centering breath and put his hands together in a triangle. It would be a long shot, doing the possession jutsu from this distance especially when he was so low on chakra. Ranka stayed with him as protection. Naoe's focus centered solely on the jounin. He was careful to focus on the challenge of the shot rather than the person, jounins were incredibly perceptive of harmful intent. With one last breath, Naoe released the jutsu and _threw_ his mind at the target.

The sentry slumped over suddenly and the snakes bound him within seconds. Anko picked him up and jumped to the ground where the rest of the group could examine him. Naoe woke up in his new body. New information at his fingertips.

"This guy is Ao, he's jounin level and a Hunter-nin. He's working with the resistance in Kiri to overthrow the Mizukage and end the blood purges. His teammates are… are… ugh! He's fighting me. Fuck! Asshole! Okay I got it, Momochi Zabuza and Terumi Mei are the other leaders. He's… Holy Log he's the captain of the sensor division! How did he not notice us?"

"I put up a genjutsu to cover the group incase the lookout was a sensor" Anko informed them. "And because you guys are bloody hopeless, it's like you forget people other than me are threats."

"Okay whatever sensei. Oh hey, he's hiding something, something more than village secrets. Give me a minute. Ouuuuuch, now I've got a migraine. Oh my Log, help me, my head."

"Less talking more digging" Shima snapped, her anxiety over their other teammate eroding her patience.

"Why don't _you_ try digging secrets out of an elite jounin captain of an enemy village huh?! I'm getting there." Naoe trailed off for a minute as he worked through the Ao's mental defenses without causing brain damage. "What the _fuck_ , that's not possible. Sensei! This guy has a Byakugan! Under his eyepatch! He's got it protected too so don't try anything." The group scrambled to check and sure enough, instead of an empty socket a milky white eye stared back at them.

"Well isn't _that_ unfortunate." Anko spat, confusion at how an enemy managed to get a Byakugan and anger that he _had_ souring her mood further. Without warning, she stabbed a syringe into Ao's neck.

"Ow!" Naoe yelped "Why sensei?"

"Your possession isn't going to last forever and I don't want to take chances. Can you move?"

"Oh course I ca- nope, not even a little."

"Good, now get out now before you black out."

Once back in his own body, Naoe immediately doubled over and threw up. His headache and the aftershock of the major chakra drain leaving him shaking and heaving. Unable to walk and in dire need of sleep. While Shima supported him and held his hair, Anko and Ranka took a moment to plan their rescue. This was proved pointless when, three minutes later, half the house exploded.

* * *

_Orochimaru_

Orochimaru, fanatic scientist and villain extraordinaire, stared blankly at the two chunin fighting viciously and desperately with his experiments for the food that had been carelessly tossed into their cell. He hadn't actually meant to capture them and wasn't entirely sure what to do with them. The grey-haired one had been Takashi's teammate at the time and was merely a victim of coincidence. The purple-haired one (and why do all these women have random hair colors?) was attacked by some rampaging experiments and the idiot in charge of damage control had decided to keep her. Orochimaru sighed. These women just complicated things, they bumped him right back up onto Konoha's priority list which meant setbacks for his experiments.

"I'm surrounded by _idiots_ " he hissed, spinning to glare at his personal spy. Kabuto merely pushed his glasses up, unfazed.

"I've investigated both women and it seems they are highly proficient in genjutsu, the purple-haired one more so, it looks like she's up for a promotion soon. The grey-haired one is originally from Taki but married into a branch of the Aburame clan and has a genin daughter. A genin daughter who is currently in Kiri for the chunin exams. Most importantly, her sensei is one Mitarashi Anko."

It's funny how a little information can turn your mood around, Orochimaru mused. He smiled, Anko had some brats in the chunin exams, in _Kiri_ of all places. This he had to see.

* * *

_Kiri_

Izumi had slipped his ticking time bomb of an explosive tag into the pile of other papers when he had given it all the chakra he could spare. That thing was going to go off soon and only the Sage knew when. He had actually written some information down, a little about what his skill-set, what he knew about Kiri, just enough to give the papers some worth. To give Sharkman (Zabuza) reason to bring them out with him when he went to talk with his partner.

It would be a good plan if he could get these damn chains off, which he couldn't. Izumi only hoped his team would swoop in with their usual dramatics once the slapdash tag exploded.

When it _did_ go off, it blew the door off it's hinges. Right at him. It crashed on the table first and splintered, a large piece basically slamming into his chest and splinters flying into his face. Izumi was thrown onto the ice needles still waiting behind him (which had already started melting due to Haku's distraction) and then onto the floor. Still wrapped in chains and feeling like a battered pincushion, Izumi took a moment to fight the urge to take a nap right there. Now, he thought, Zabuza would _really_ be pissed.


End file.
